Teething

Wouldn't it be great if this was motherhood? All smiles and new adventures? This cute lil man is now 17 months old. Just shy of being nursery age at church and we've been counting down! He lights up our life with this grin, his snuggles and kisses, nestled into "his place" in the crook of our arm on the bed or chair.
We took a quick ski trip this past weekend. I almost didn't go because of Jake. He's teething molars right now which means he wakes up on the middle of the night crying and hates pain relievers. He's also exercising his will at every turn because he can. Being in a hotel room as a whole family with him doing this and the fact that he's such a light sleeper when out of his dark cocoon of a bedroom - well, it sounded like torture for me. And I have so many things I should be getting done.

But Morgan was so excited to finally get a chance to ski! And I didn't want her to miss it. And I love those mountains. So I packed us up and away we went. We had a good time, Morgan loved skiing. I didn't get to see her do it because they took her up the mountain since the valley below didn't have enough snow. The boys excelled in their refresher class and McKay got bumped up to Easton's class the second day. They're very happy to be "advanced."

And then there's Jake. He didn't get his regular naps while we were away. He didn't get his regular bedtime or dark cocoon. And we began paying for it Sunday night. And I got it all day Monday and today. Crying and fussing at me all day long. Tantrums where he literally is kicking and screaming on the floor. It's awesome. I can't do right by him. He doesn't like the food I make for him, meals specially planned to be easy for him to eat. He throws it or pushes it away. He doesn't want to be put down but doesn't like how I hold him. He can't stand being denied anything. By dinner time, I've been a short tempered mess and I'm ashamed but so done.

I stayed up tonight mapping out some details for upcoming things I'm coordinating and then got swept up in a few episodes of Lark Rise to Candleford. As I was getting ready for bed, Jake woke up crying. I tried to give him his ora-gel and ibuprofen but he refused. So I just rocked him, both of us staring at each other. And I cried. He's growing up. And I can't stop it.

For all the grief we're giving each other right now as our wills do battle, I'm grateful for this quiet moment tonight to hold my baby close and rock him snuggled against me. Man, I love him - teething and all!

Lord of the Rings Holiday!

Nope, this traveling crew isn't visiting New Zealand, although it's on our bucket list for someday. Did I have you wondering?

If we accomplished one thing this Christmas break, it's that we time spent watching a bit each night of the extended edition of The Lord of the Rings trilogy for the first time with the kids. The boys also got the LEGO version of LotR for Christmas too with a lot of time to enjoy it. We've soaked up a quiet break from our busy school life and Ryan's gone to work for a lot of it to save up vacation time for upcoming trips this year.

On New Year's Eve afternoon, Easton conquered the game and I was grateful he, my tender hearted son, knew what to expect from finishing the movie since he tends to be the one who gets nightmares. Those orcs and other evil beasts are scary! Essentially, what he was playing we would watch that evening since we were only getting through a disc a night as time permitted. I was a bit wary of letting McKay and Morgan also watch, but they seemed to enjoy it as we all snuggled and rotated snuggle buddies.

Our family time doing this together has totally paid off in teaching moments when kids fight or are creatively playing LOR/Sonic/Star Wars/Indiana Jones hybrid pretend!!! Themes of envy and gratitude, friendship, loyalty, courage, helping another carry a heavy burden, working on our talents, choosing the right . . . and that's just before noon today! Awesome!

For example, Memay and Grandpa Mark had sent us some See's chocolates (YUMMY dark chocolate nuts and chews deliciousness! My precious!). The kids like to sit and pop the bubbles of the protective packing sheets. Easton was the first to discover them so he snagged the biggest sheet. McKay wanted one so I gave him one too. But he was upset because Easton's was bigger and it was so unfair! Well, life is unfair and he needed to be grateful for what he had. Life theme, right? Then Morgan chimed in wanting one so now all three had their own. Morgan tired of hers quickly and gave hers to McKay. Now Easton was upset that McKay had more than him. Where's my parrot?! Life's not fair, be grateful for what you've got. Enjoy it and move on. "Remember when on LotR, the elves gave each of the Fellowship of the Ring a special sword or dagger?" I told them. "Did it matter in the end which one they were given or did it save them or another when the time came?" "Do you think being jealous of the gift given is a happy, helpful way to live?" "If Sam had thrown a fit about the sword he was given, how would the Elves have felt?" And so on. Loved it. Loved hearing their answers and interpretations!

Today I didn't get on them to start their chores. They know what needs to be done if they want media time and they were happy to know I had no plans to get us out of the house today. They sat and played for over an hour together in their room nicely after I mitigated sharing of the carpet space to their satisfaction. Morgan is into building "beds" or "forts" for herself which is a fence around her made by Ikea bins. It takes a lot of space so we had to figure out an arrangement that made everyone happy.

An hour or so later when they had exhausted their play mode, they just began doing their chores so they could have media time. Easton came and said that when they were playing, they had mixed all their favorite characters and story lines - LotR, Sonic, Star Wars, and Indiana Jones - on a spaceship adventure. I was proud! It was fun to chat about favorite parts of those movies and relate them to our gospel understanding. I was telling him how LotR was originally a story written by Tolkein, not Frodo and Bilbo. Easton thought about it for a minute while washing off the table then came in and said, "So I could make Meowers Powers like that." I said, "Yep, but it would take some more work to make it the very best story you want told. What could you do to make it even better?" He's thinking about it . . . I'm so very grateful that I got this chance to be chatty with my kids today, that it's where my heart was today.

I'm reading a really fascinating book by Fiona and Terryl Givens called, "The God Who Weeps: How Mormons make sense of life." This husband-wife duo met at BYU in a comparative literature class and have spent their career teaching/take classes and authoring at the University of Virginia, Richmond. I'd listened to a fabulous interview of them in early December on MormonStories.org where Fiona shared her conversion to Catholicism and then Mormonism in her youth. This book came about in an interesting way - Terryl Givens was at some sort of LDS seminar in NYC a year ago and said the Church could do a better job telling/sharing what beautiful truths Mormonism brings to the world's religious dialogue. Someone in the audience worked for DeseretBook and within a few days and then months, DeseretBook (Sherri Dew) asked them to write this book. So from Givens' remark to the date of publication - less than 10 months I believe! That's amazing!

They wrote this book in a couple months' time which I find miraculous because they utilize the wealth of the world's greatest thinkers throughout history who framed the timeless questions of mankind - why do we seek God; what is the nature of God that he/they should be worshipped; where did we come from (a premortal existence); why are we here on earth and what must we do here; why do we experience pain and suffering; what does death and the next life hold; if Christianity or other faiths that literally only touch select pockets of people on the earth in various periods of time while countless others die without being "in the know" - how can the Atonement and sacrifice of Jesus Christ apply to all of God's children as well as other saving ordinances many churches hold dear like baptism.

This book draws on their shared academic life studying all the great theologians, political scientists, scientists, poets, and such and so it just flowed out of them. It would have taken me a good ten years to write anything close to what it took them a month or two to compile. I'm so glad I discovered this book when I did. It gave me a lot of comfort when on the same morning in mid December, I woke to hear about the Connecticut school massacre and a dear high school buddy's fatal accident. Bern Kellogg took me to a few of our high school dances and was seriously such a genuine, Christ-like kid even back then! He was even voted Prom King because his kindness touched so many. He leaves a dear wife, four children around the same ages as my own, a church community and extended family who will always feel this loss.

I just can't plug this book enough - it's a real thinker, much like C. S. Lewis stuff and I am lapping it up! More like slurping actually, in small doses, cuz my mommy brain has to work mighty hard to grasp it. As I have the opportunity on a daily basis to share my faith with my kids and friends here, it is such a great tool to explain things I hold dear from the point of conversations people have always had or intuitions we've all tried to frame for ourselves. For instance, in chats with my dear new friends of other faiths, I've been better able to come from a point of commonality of world experience to describe what us women and mothers hold most dear. I'm not out to convert them to Mormonism, just relate to and share in the light we're both holding. Then we all walk away edified and ready to share our light with others and help bear one another's burdens. Life and great books are wonderful!

Legacies

I am fascinated by aspects of Mormon culture and traditions recently as I’m figuring out how to frame my thoughts on the gospel and how I live and share it with my family, as a teacher in church, and to my friends. It is interesting to see how culture and traditions shape how we as Mormons understand, teach, and try to live the gospel of Jesus Christ.

My Mormon heritage doesn’t go back generations like it does for some. As a kid, I longed for Mormon pioneer heritage and the stories of ancestors sacrificing all for the gospel and trekking West to follow the prophet of God. Ryan is blessed with that heritage and I find it fascinating, wanting to learn more about them. But I've always been intensely proud of Grandma Honey, and then my mom and my dad for choosing this faith to live and raise our family in.

Bob & Lorry, Engagement

My Grandma Honey (maternal grandmother) who recently passed away this summer was the first to join the church in my family. She joined as a young mother in the midst of the same season of life I am in. I'm sure she was very busy, in fact there's a story in her conversion to the gospel about how she felt directed by the Holy Ghost to do something about her growing faith while on her knees cleaning gum off the floor. She felt like there might be something in religion that would help her raise her family. I feel so blessed by that choice! As a result, my mother was raised by in the church and was influenced by many good church leaders. (This doesn't downplay in any way the strong role my Grandpa Bob played in supporting and leading his family too.) As for my Dad, my mom and a few other young Mormon girls caught my dad's eye as a young man, and while in college he investigated religions and joined the LDS church. This is amazing to me, nothing short of a miracle I feel.

Us Bares in 1994

Home is/was in the Tri-Cities of eastern Washington where there is a large LDS community. My dad's family are wonderful people and are not members of the church. My mom's family is scattered between Washington and California and while all are not LDS, they too are great people whom I love. In Kennewick, about 10% of my high school was LDS and we even had release-time seminary rather than early morning seminary. (This is still rare outside of the Utah-Idaho LDS corridor I believe.) It was great to live in this pocket of the Mormon diaspora (I love that term and idea)! I'm still grateful for it and the fact that my kids also are getting the chance to grow up in it.

This past summer while home, I was so surprised to see how much my family’s ward boundaries have shrunk to accommodate growing membership in my home community. With ward (congregation) size usually in the 200-300 range, the boundaries of my ward when I was young now comprises at least four if not more wards! This is so awesome to see! I loved seeing the flow of people entering the 11 years young temple there, taking advantage of that opportunity to serve and align themselves with the Divine. There were and are so many fabulous people there, righteous and strong men AND women! I am so grateful for their good influence on me growing up! Good people are magnets for other good people. I hope to be a Mormon magnet, in all that's fabulous about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

And here we all are this summer, just shy of two weeks before Grandma Honey passed away. I come from a strong heritage of such good people! All of these people have been influenced by Grandma Honey's choice to seek God and have Him in her life. I have parents and youth teachers who did their best to live and teach the gospel to me and I am forever grateful for that foundation. However, I did and still do feel some of the tensions within LDS doctrine, culture, organization and such which I am still making sense of. 

I am often limited in my understanding and use of words to express what I really mean. For some reason, I’ve recently been thinking a lot about the word “command.” It’s in the scriptures a lot, commandments and all, and as my dictionary confirmed, the word often denotes a power structure, authority, and domination. But when I read that word in the scriptures, I don’t think of the Lord trying to wield power over me. My Heavenly Father has a plan of happiness, a plan of Salvation for me. I believe synonyms for “command” are truly, more accurately His way -- to invite, to instruct, to direct, to persuade.

In my early morning scripture study lately (going on 3+ weeks diligently! YAHOO!), I have loved being reminded of the basic principles of the gospel – faith, humility, guidance of the Holy Ghost, the Atonement of Jesus Christ, forgiveness and repentance. I am reminded of a Heavenly Father and Savior that love me, and all of us. In my desire to share the peace and perspective this knowledge gives me within my family and circle of friends, I often feel like I don’t have the vocabulary I need to express all these thoughts, let alone the brain-mouth capacity to vocalize it.

It makes me sad when friends and family members feel like the church isn’t a good fit for them, that they don’t fit the cookie-cutter ideal and therefore don’t feel welcome within the LDS community or beliefs. The church, like the gospel of Jesus Christ, should feel inclusive where everyone, no matter where they are on the path, feels welcomed and not judged. There’s a two-way street of responsibility and accountability.

As a mother and when I teach my bright Primary class of 10-11 year old girls each week, I want to be sure I stick to the basic, life-changing principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am finding that sometimes Mormon culture has gone beyond the mark to prescribe more than is needed. These prescriptions are sometimes perpetuated by us not individually examining the gospel principles of agency, learning and teaching doctrine. Our intentions are good, but perhaps a bit complacent and lazy in our effort to go to the source. I am often guilty of this but determined to do better.

Rather than set family rules, give youth set guidelines, and share practices of our church, I want to facilitate a more open discussion about why rules and guidelines are in place so we can align ourselves with principles and not judge others who may not have yet examined them. I want to be able to discern between gospel principles and culture/tradition, advocating for change in a Christ-like manner when opportunities arise and are needed. I hope Ryan and I can continue to openly share our life’s experiences with our family and friends so we can form our ideas together about how to apply principles in how we think, speak, act, dress and present ourselves to the world. I want to persuade and invite, rather than command those I love to live the principles that have helped me be happy and feel fulfilled.

This requires more of me as a disciple of Jesus Christ. I fall short regularly, more than once an hour usually. But there’s so much room to get it right - whether it’s keeping my cool "inviting" my kids to do chores, trying to communicate with Ryan amidst the chaos of our young family and career, choosing friends and entertainment, living aspects of the Word of Wisdom, modesty in all its facets, and so forth. These are daily choices and challenges to my faith that come up in my little bubble of a world.

Last night for Family Home Evening, Ryan and I decided to help Easton pass off a portion of his Cub Scout Duty to God requirements because he needs to finish his Wolf badges in the next month before his birthday. We discussed as a family what our duty to God is. We used Easton’s recent school presentation to help give us some ideas. Each of us picked something to work on for the next week that will show our Heavenly Father that we love and honor Him. I am so grateful for Family Home Evening! I love this forum to discuss things of real importance within our family. I don’t take advantage of it enough, I get lazy real easy come Monday night!

I have sometimes let myself get overwhelmed with all that I feel is required of me as a wife, a mother, a homemaker, and a member of the church. I fight the urge to declare aspects of my martyrdom regularly on FaceBook. But what purpose would that serve? Does it edify others or perhaps keep them wallowing like myself. I’ve decided that in this full season of my life, I can choose to be overwhelmed and mired in it or be proactive, hopeful, and pleased with my efforts to be “enough.” I always loved how my Grandma Honey was so quick to laugh and literally danced through life. She didn't seem to stay mired in the hard things life threw at her. She lost her 11 year old daughter, Judy, to leukemia. I can't think of many things in life that would be harder to endure and move forward after. 

I feel I am honoring my Grandma Honey's legacy of faith by taking the time to dig into the gospel with my morning study and trying hard to live my faith. I also feel I am honoring Mormon's legacy, the prophet who's name is our faith's nickname. He abridged the records of the Nephite people in America before being killed in battle leading armies defending his faith and family. They gave me this gift and it's my turn to make something of it. Starting with changing Jake's diaper! Onward and upward!

Recent Soul Food:

Being A More Christian Christian

The God Who Weeps – How Mormonism Make Sense of Life by Terry and Fiona Givens

How many children?

I've miraculously been blessed to find someone to love and be married to, and then also to have children. A huge thank you to my Heavenly Father and Ryan! When meeting someone new, I often fall into this conversation. "Are you guys done?"

Whatever you may believe on this topic, I am fascinated by this conversation and have strong feelings about it. Yesterday I went to a Thanksgiving lunch with Ryan at work. I witnessed this conversation among Ryan and his coworkers and I was a sponge. One guy has three very young kids and is DONE, and came off a bit cynical and tired, but very nice. Another can't wait to have kids with his sweet wife and loves on my little ones as if they were his own. Then you have Ryan with four kids, who apparently is known for breaking into song in the office, always with his "creative" lyrics. I didn't know the other guy well enough to know his family situation. Anyhow, I walked away grateful to be married to someone who loves family life and revels in it, proud to have us come be with him among his work peers. Real family life isn't glamorous, but real fulfillment and joy is found there. We all crave it in different ways I think.

Last night, I watched this conversation play out in my favorite show, BBC's "Lark Rise to Candleford."  Since I don't enjoy the benefits and challenges of living near our families, these family dramas feed something in me. It's the next best thing to BBC's "Downton Abbey" and a lot cleaner and uplifting than NBC's "Parenthood."

The only place I can find to watch it is on youtube in 10 minute increments which is tedious but oh so worth it! The meaty part is at the 4:32 mark where this couple discusses if they should and could handle having more children. They live in a poor little hamlet in the 1860s English countryside with four of their five children, It speaks to the rationale that happens in our heads and the feelings of our hearts, something I hold very dear.

Lark Rise to Candleford Season 2, Episode 11-5

If the link above doesn't work, just search youtube for "Lark Rise to Candelford Season 2, Episode 11-5."

So are the Carters done having kids? Nope. I knew it the moment Jake was born, same as with the others. It was really comforting, yet odd at the same time. Not overwhelming, just a thought in my mind and I'm grateful for it.

Have we set a number? Nope. Ryan and I have simply made it an ongoing discussion. Each time asked we simply say, "We just take each one at a time. At least we hope one at a time! Twins do run in the family, my mom was one!"

I've just spent the past two weeks on an experiment on myself. In my dad's testimony of his conversion to the gospel and the church, he wrote how he experimented with parts of our faith - prayer, reading scriptures, not swearing, going to church on Sundays, etc. So I decided to do my own experiment. I love to sleep, but I am a night owl. Yet I have been waking up early for the past two weeks to get my scripture study in before everyone else is up. It hasn't been easy. I have really enjoyed it. As I thought about it this morning after the crazy morning rush to get everyone out the door, I realized how this experiment has begun to change me in three ways in just two weeks.

1) I am excited to wake my kids up in the morning and love on them a little, even though some of them don't feel happy about having to join the world. Last week this helped me do something for Easton on a rough day and he shared at dinner that I was his "warm fuzzy" of the day! I hope my moment of loves fuels them through rough days.

2) I am more hopeful as I tackle the mundane or unwelcome surprises that are my chores or tasks. I don't despair as much at the state of my house and just do what I can, hoping it will be enough. I will say I do run out of hope sometimes through the day and need to work on that (earlier bedtime, better meals, exercise?!). One. Thing. At. A. Time. Rome wasn't built in a day, right?

3) I feel closer to promptings of the Holy Ghost, making time each day to follow them and it's often to reach out to someone else in love and friendship. I love having friends!

So the experiment will continue. What does this have to do with the conversation of how many children to have? As our lives fill up more with these little people to raise, I am recognizing more and more how selfish I tend to be so easily. In order to raise these kids into good people, I have to sacrifice a lot of my guilty pleasures. But those pleasures don't hold anything of true value and meaning when I step back.

When I put my spiritual well-being literally first on my priority list of the day, my heart is open and ready for my family and my day. I don't keep a spotless house. I won't be walking down a runway any time in this life or have an etsy shop. I don't lead a life worthy of news by the leaders of my communities, but I love my life. It is full and messy, but worth all the work and self-sacrifice because it makes me better than who I am without it. I choose marriage. I choose children. I choose motherhood. I choose faith. I feel truly blessed and I am happy.

Halloween 2012

I've really enjoyed our Halloween traditions this year! McKay had to do a presentation on a holiday that our family celebrates and he picked Halloween. Yeah, presentations in 1st grade! I love it! He did a great job and I liked being reminded that we actually do have traditions with intentions, even for Halloween.

Sometimes traditions feel binding and overwhelming for us moms, but I'm trying to retrain myself. I'm trying to analyze holidays for what I want our family to get out of them: traditions that create memories as a family, time to serve others and share our blessings, and outings to celebrate with our communities. I'm finding that if I approach holidays like this, I don't get as overwhelmed/resentful and can find the joy of holidays.

Pumpkin Carving
In preparation for Halloween, we carved pumpkins for Family Home Evening last week. We had Ryan's coworker Helen Garza, a.k.a. Garbonzo, over to enjoy dinner and carving with us. Little did we know, she had NEVER carved a pumpkin before! No time like the present to learn, right? She was such a good sport as we pretty much handed her a pumpkin and a kitty face Morgan wanted and put her to work. 

Your big debut here, Helen!
Working your kitty magic!

Ryan enjoyed his carving tradition where he put the hand mixer's beater on his drill and whips all the pumpkin guts away from the edges for easy scooping out. The kids checked on our carving progress now and then, but were mostly interested in watching Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin movie.

Easton had to use all his might to carve part of his and it was hard work - such a thick pumpkin!

I love all the faces they make below! My cute kids!

Serving Others

I love ding-dong-ditching around holidays! I love how it makes me feel good to be thinking of these friends while I prepare it and imagining their joy at being thought of. Who doesn't like a yummy surprise?!

We boo'd five neighbors this year (underlined link is to last year's experience/explanation). Usually I like this to be an anonymous service, but this time I put a Happy Halloween tag with our names on the pumpkin bread loaves because one American neighbor family won't eat stuff from people they don't know. Since I can't always remember some of these neighbors' names, I thought perhaps they were the same and having our names would be nice. The kids were ecstatic the next day when we found a bag of Haribo gummy candies tied to our van door from a thankful neighbor! That's a first! Easton said, "Mom, I'm so glad you put our names on the bread so they knew who to give treats to!" HaHaHa!

Community Activities

The kids are out of school this week for fall break - a tradition in Germany. Most of the kids' best buddies are away on vacation and their church friends who go to school on base don't have it off. We've enjoyed laying low during the day because our evenings were full: the "boo-ing" for Family Home Evening on Monday night, a ward Trunk-or-Treat activity on Tuesday, and traditional Trick-or-Treating on base Wednesday. So each morning this week, the kids have raced to get their chores done so they can have some video game time in the morning. They are loving their school break!

I wish I had taken some pictures before and at the ward Trunk-or-Treat family night. Easton was Batman, McKay was Darth Vadar, Morgan a tiger, and Jake a frog. Hurray for costumes already in the box! The ward activity was a lot of fun with a yummy pot luck soup buffet spread and we invited the Frikken family from school. They are such a great family, we love being with them!

All day Wednesday the kids changed their costume ideas every half hour it seemed. I will seriously have to be on the look out for some more versatile costumes in bigger sizes for next year! I am not as crafty as others yet, but the kids seemed happy with the selection and their choices.

We went to Ryan's office to show off the kids and then Ryan took them to the movie theater where there were some children's activities. I had to run back to the security gate to sign in a friend's family but we all met up to do our trick-or-treating. I'm really grateful for those families who live on base and supply all that candy and decorate their spaces for the event! It's a fun tradition and we are always running into friends the whole time because it is such a small community.

The reality of trying to take a picture with my four kids.
It's "like herding cats!" 

Jake couldn't be bothered to pose for pictures when there was a ball to kick in sight.
He is nuts about playing soccer and tests every item he comes across for kick-ability.
If it rolls, it passes the test - even cups with no handles roll well enough he thinks.

She insisted all afternoon to her big brothers, to the point of screams and tears, that she is a lion not a tiger!
She regularly brings out the ogre in me, but I love her as fiercely as a tiger!
Look at that sweet face!

With all the action of getting out the door for trick-or-treating,
Jake here embodies what I'd rather be doing for the rest of the evening. 

He so badly wanted to be out walking with his siblings but they were too fast and the footings too unsure. Last weekend's big snowfall has been creating mud bogs that are too much for his little legs to conquer.
But look at that smile! We make cute babies, no?

You can barely see our stealthy ninja, McKay.
He was pretty excited to see this picture!

If you're a kid, what's not to love about costumes and candy?!

We headed for Indian food afterward and were happy to find ourselves the lone customers. Good food, fun conversations, fun holiday! The icing on the cake? An episode of Downton Abbey while hearing snippets of what McKay called, The Treat Trading Convention. He made a haul, just like Easter!

Side Note:
I recently read on a blog about wards that celebrate Reformation Day instead of Trunk or Treat! How cool is that?! In northern Germany on October 31, 1517 is the day Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses on the church door which ignited the Reformation and has shaped world history. Having recently listened to a book about the building of the magnificent St. Peter's Cathedral in Rome, the costs of which were creatively covered by selling indulgences - I just can't help myself! I told Ryan I might have to do my research and come up with a 20 minute simple multi-media/faceted presentation to pitch for a ward party idea. I'm such a nerd, this is such an exciting idea to me! The one friend I did pitch this too said I would be laughed out the door and I'd have to agree. Our trunk-or-treat pot luck was such a perfect laid back family activity that everyone seemed to enjoy, I'd hate to mess with a good thing. But we're in Europe! It's a German holiday! Most everyone in attendance will have recently visited and heard about these places and people in their travels. Any takers? Anyone??

Side Side Note:
We're so grateful our friends and family seemed to have fared alright through Hurricane Sandy!!! 

Complementary, Not Competition

complementary: describes an addition that produces completeness or perfection in something

One of my favorite talks from this month's General Conference was Elder Christofferson's address in the semi-annual Priesthood meeting for men.

"Brethren, much has been said and written in recent years about the challenges of men and boys. A sampling of book titles, for example, includes Why There Are No Good Men Left,The Demise of Guys,The End of Men, Why Boys Fail, and Manning Up. Interestingly, most of these seem to have been written by women. In any case, a common thread running through these analyses is that in many societies today men and boys get conflicting and demeaning signals about their roles and value in society."

"The author of Manning Up characterized it this way: “It’s been an almost universal rule of civilization that whereas girls became women simply by reaching physical maturity, boys had to pass a test. They needed to demonstrate courage, physical prowess, or mastery of the necessary skills. The goal was to prove their competence as protectors of women and children; this was always their primary social role. Today, however, with women moving ahead in an advanced economy, provider husbands and fathers are now optional, and the character qualities men had needed to play their role—fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity—are obsolete and even a little embarrassing.”¹

"In their zeal to promote opportunity for women, something we applaud, there are those who denigrate men and their contributions. They seem to think of life as a competition between male and female—that one must dominate the other, and now it’s the women’s turn. Some argue that a career is everything and marriage and children should be entirely optional—therefore, why do we need men?² In too many Hollywood films, TV and cable shows, and even commercials, men are portrayed as incompetent, immature, or self-absorbed. This cultural emasculation of males is having a damaging effect.

". . . Brethren, it cannot be this way with us. As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home. We cannot afford to have those who exercise the Holy Priesthood, after the Order of the Son of God, waste their strength in pornography or spend their lives in cyberspace (ironically being of the world, while not being in the world).

"Brethren, we have work to do."

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this call to duty and can't get it out of my head! But I don't feel like it was just to the men of the church. I felt I needed to live up to this as well in my support! 

I am raising three sons so far. I am raising a daughter that I hope will find a worthy young man to marry some day. I can be a more loyal wife, supporting my wonderful husband as he strives to answer this call. I can support the men and boys of my family and community. There is just as much we women can and should do!

My favorite class at BYU was The International Political Economy of Women and I'm pretty sure I've written about it here before. We examined the hardest things life has thrown at women - unrighteous patriarchy; armed conflict; slavery; women and the priesthood; lack of access to life, health care, property, education, and so forth. We looked at the politics of breast feeding - fascinating! I saw raw emotion from my classmates as we sought to understand hard things they've felt and witnessed. I just found the syllabi online and it speaks for itself. 

The International Political Economy of Women - Political Science 472

Objectives

• To understand the roles women play in world society as producers, reproducers, agents of cultural continuity and change, and to render women "visible" in international and national affairs.
  
• To explore in greater depth women's choices about education, family, and work in the developing world.
  
• To investigate transnational issues directly concerning women's lives, and the objectification and subordination of women that often results.
  
• To discuss the dynamics of change in women's lives and in their societies, including the dynamics of religious beliefs, and to learn about programs for change that already exist. 
  
  
  This course required the most varied reading and study of any I have ever taken, but as my roommates can attest, I loved every minute of it! I felt so empowered by this class and how to move past feeling embittered by issues I found unfair and confusing. I learned how to see hard issues through the lense of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Coming to understand things in this way has given me peace as a woman of faith, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I hope we can all support the goodness and righteous aspirations of our men and boys without feeling threatened or envious. 
  
  
  Men and women aren't in competition, we are complementary: two halves that with the Lord's help can make a perfect whole. They need us as much as we need them! And the world needs us standing together now more than ever!

Our LDS Identity Presentation

GM & Easton

Their baptism pictures, the church logo in English and Deutsch, and the Weilimdorf Chapel we attend.

"As I have loved you, Love one another."

Jesus Christ in John 15:12

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

Mahatma Gandhi

"Forget yourself and go to work"

President Gordon B. Hinckley

The boys attend an international school here in Stuttgart, Germany. The first unit each year is always about getting to know the students. In the first two weeks, Easton and McKay were both bringing home projects and assignments asking about themselves - What am I good at? What groups do I belong to? Describe yourself. As they would ask me, I was overwhelmed with a mother's desire to take this chance to teach them about their true identity. You are a child of God! What could be more important to know?! But this is their normal, they didn't even think twice about it, but I wanted to show them this knowledge is something very special, even a privilege not to be taken lightly.

I was blessed to grow up as a Mormon too. In middle school and high school I felt gratitude for the perspective this identity gave me. Working with YMCA kids over the course of my teen and college years, I saw children of broken homes and I ached for them. But during my summer internship with a pro-life/pro-family coalition at the United Nations where my first week was the Conference on Women and Children in June 2000, I deeply realized how the gospel of Jesus Christ was the true answer to all the hard things this mortal life throws at us. We are all children of a loving Heavenly Father. Loss of that identity is the root of all heartache. International and government programs only serve as bandaids and can never adequately solve this identity crisis.

When attending the Open House the third week of school, Easton's teachers asked that parents sign up to do a 15 minute parent-child presentation as part of their "Celebrate Our Family/Cultural Identities" research unit. I immediately thought of doing one on our LDS identity if they would let us. With immediate approval, I felt the weight of not screwing this up!

That following weekend at Stake Conference, we were sitting in the Relief Society room where we could hear simultaneous English translation (TOTALLY AWESOME! I am so grateful previous kinks have been worked out and that this service is available!). Just behind us was a nice family we didn't know and the room was sparsely populated. As we chatted afterward, we realized our kids went to the same school and that Easton and their son, GM were in the same class! The F family are from the Venice area and just moved here from Shang Hai, China in August. They attend the German ward and are ardently trying to learn German now that they are locals. I immediately knew I wanted to invite the mom and GM to do this presentation with us. I didn't let fear of sharing control of the project enter my mind, I knew it was to be and I was so excited!

V and I got the kids together a week later to play while we hammered out a sweeping overview. I came with a prayer that she would help with the visual presentation. She came with a prayer that I could write a script. Our prayers were answered and among the chaos of feeding and keeping seven kids entertained, the ideas just flowed and kept a focus that edified us both!

Summary:

I Am A Member of 
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

I am learning about my personal, community, and global identity as a member of this world-wide Christian church which shows me how to love and serve others in my family, my community, and the world.


=> Our little posse met three more times - once via Skype, once to assemble the posters, and then the day before at the school to run through it with the boys. These subsequent meetings felt scattered and distracted for us moms, but miraculously accomplished the desired goals! Every time I felt fear, inadequateness, or doubt creep in, I felt peace wash over me as I sought it. Prayerful needs I had on the hectic days I worked on this were answered and tears of gratitude came often - usually while catching up on hoards of neglected dishes.

And so the presentation time came - 3pm, the last half hour of the school day. A mere fifteen minutes to convey what our knowledge of the gospel tells us about ourselves and why we are here. No sweat!

In the knick of time, I remembered to make and bring the promised snack. Forgetting to deliver on this promise probably would have been remembered by the boys more than the wonderful presentation they shared with their class! As a consequence, however, those treats meant I had to forego finally putting on my makeup today and honestly looking at what I was wearing. Ugh. But here's our wonderful boys!

Learning about my Personal Identity
I am a child of God.
I am part of a family.
I believe in Jesus Christ.
I believe in the scriptures.
I was baptized just like Jesus.
I go to church each week.

Learning about my Community Identity as a member of the church

Sunday Worship:

• German Ward, 200+ attend, meet at 9am
• International Ward, 200+ attend, meet at 1pm
• Sacrament Meeting, Primary Sharing Time, & Primary class time

Midweek Activities:

• Cub Scouts, learned about fire safety this week
• Upcoming Stake Primary Activity

Learning about our Global Identity as members of the church

Semi-annual General Conference: Come Listen to a Prophet's Voice! (Plus a shout out to President Uchtdorf being German!)

• Every April & October - 6 sessions, each 2 hours
• Here in Germany, we can watch it broadcast at our chapel or live online

Church website

• www.lds/friend - watch videos, play games, read articles

Monthly church magazines

• The Friend for children 
• The New Era for youth
• The Ensign or Liahona for all

The second presentation board was all about how we as members are able to love and serve others in our families, communities, and around the world.

We covered Family Home Evening with the F family's FHE assignment board. The boys shared their favorite parts of FHE. No brainer - activity, acting out scripture stories, and treats!

Under Serving our Communities, we talked about . . . 

• Serving Families in Need
• Donating Money - Fast offerings
• Community Service and Outreach Events - V had participated in a Relief Society activity in Shang Hai where they assembled school kits for the community's poor.

Serving families in need:
We shared a little bit about how our church is organized so that every adult member is asked to watch over a small number of other people in our congregation (Visiting and Home Teaching). When a family among us needs help, it is rather easy to mobilize people to help them.

Just a few weeks ago, one of the four LDS families at this school had a bit of a crisis. In their final two weeks here before moving back to the US, their 10 year old daughter had to be hospitalized with severe abdominal pain and a very high fever. Members of the ward were quickly mobilized (largely through our Relief Society's facebook page) to clean their house after the movers packed out in preparation for final inspection by the landlord; spare items were moved out, listed for sale; and sold; their other children were tended and given rides; meals were taken to the hospital and hotel; priesthood blessings of comfort and counsel were arranged; friends stayed with Sienna at the hospital while the parents had to both be away; and Primary children made a bouquet of paper flowers with get well messages for Sienna to know she was being thought of. Sienna had to have her appendix out but was in the hospital for a full week. Their family flew to the US two days after she was released from the hospital. (I was able to help with much of this effort and while I thought I understood how this works, I learned so much about how our wards are organized to truly meet needs and was inspired by so many helping hands!)

Serving our Communities. 

Easton shares the August 2012 Friend article about two girls who helped their communities that were struck with disasters. Honoka from Japan, Maggie from Missouri. Even children can do something to serve!

Serving the World

Donate $

• Tithing
• Humanitarian Aid Fund
• Perpetual Education Fund

Ward Service Events

• Collect items and assemble Hygiene kits, newborn baby kits, school kits, and first aid kits.

And when it was done, there was time for Questions & Comments!

I am profoundly grateful I had a chance to be a part of this project! I am deeply thankful for countless promptings V and I have had over the past month tweaking the script and the visual presentation so the boys could take it and run! I am indebted to Ryan for putting up with this preoccupation, my friend Carmen who fueled my envy for a CriCut machine, my friend Cami for taking pictures during the presentation, and my friend Vian for taking Jake out when his snacks weren't enough to keep him quiet.

A few weeks ago, Easton came home one day and said that in a class discussion someone had said that going to church was part of their identity. Everyone laughed except him, GM, and their friend Anna who comes from a South Carolina Baptist family. Easton was puzzled by this. I am so proud Easton and GM never even complained about being roped into this project. There was no fear on their part that I could tell. The classes were very respectful during the presentation and I hope this remains as a good experience for all. I'm sure sharing Rice Krispy treats in the end won a few points in our favor at least!

I know who I am, 

do you?

I am a Daughter of God!