Been reading . . .

I think most everyone knows we're expecting baby #5 in September. YAY! We're excited and found it's a girl last week! Morgan is excited to have a sister and the boys are cool either way. Easton's only request is that the baby be cute. "If not, it's your fault!" he stated with a big grin!

Frustrated by aspects of my previous birth experiences and my own naiveté, I have been dipping my toe into books about natural childbirth at the recommendation of trusted friends and family. A new friend here lent me a stack of books I'd heard of and I've been devouring them!

Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a modern midwife by Peggy Vincent
This was so fun! This certified nurse became a midwife after years working in a Berkeley hospital where she was intrigued by the difference in mothers who were able to give birth naturally, observing and working with their bodies in labor.

Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Natural Childbirth
The first half of the book is birth stories of women and the second half is about her philosophy and techniques to support women giving birth. Man, I wish I'd read this ten years ago!!! Ugh. This has been the refrain Ryan has heard for three weeks now between my reading of these two books.

I am glad I read Vincent's book first because it started me on familiar ground - within the typical hospital birth experience. I got to walk with the author gradually into her curiosity and education on  supporting women's work with their bodies through labor. I have a lot more to read but I'm so glad I've got time to then incorporate what I'm learning with Ryan and our health care provider here in Germany.

A book, however, that I think will hijack my current train of thought is this one that was sent to me today. Melissa Dalton-Bradford's "On Loss and Living Onward: Collected Voices for the Grieving and Those Who Would Mourn with Them" grabs you from the first chapter. I wish I had the rest of the day to hide away and absorb it! But parent teacher conferences today, a back up of laundry from our machine being broken for two weeks, and a birthday party and baptism this week are calling me out of my cave.

I've gotten to know the author in the past six months. You can read my Goodreads review of her first book "Global Mom" which I loved. While I am so glad she wrote "Global Mom," I have been anticipating this next book even more!

When Ryan's brother Eric and his family lived in Munich back in 2010ish, we'd often attend church with them when we visited. Sister Bradford was often the Sunday School teacher and her lessons were my favorite kind. Her love and understanding of many languages, the scriptures, and great works of literature from around the world facilicated great discussions and learning for me. She was polished and accomplished and yet there was something that kept her apart from the typical ward bustle of comradery. Then one Sunday, I sat among a small group of women as Melissa taught the Relief Society lesson and shared an intimate poem she'd written about Biblical Hannah's son and Melissa's own son, Parker. I had not known until that moment that the Bradfords were freshly grieving the loss of their eldest son and brother two years prior. Her poem touched me deeply and I hoped she was a writer but I didn't even know her name.

Fast forward to last September when MormonWomen.com interviewed her about her memoir, "Global Mom." I discovered her book and blog, devouring both. But I have been eagerly waiting for this next book because of that poem. I know her walk of loss and grief and her intense study of this path which she calls "avelut" will teach me profound and sacred truths that will carry great meaning for the rest of my life - either for the losses I will undoubtedly experience or to know how to walk with others in their loss.

I know I am not good at mourning with others yet and American culture in general, LDS culture too, does not have ritual ways to help mourners long term. We want them to move on and be happy again because their grief makes us uncomfortable. Some religions and cultures do have rituals of mourning for those in grief and the community who would mourn with them. I'm here to learn!

Beijing Day 1 - Tiananmen Square and Wangfujing area

Ryan has a bucket list of places he wants to see. This is probably no surprise to you if you know him. Moving to Germany only fed it and made it more doable. Easton's best friend, Henrique a Brazilian whose dad works for Daimler, lived in Beijing before Stuttgart. Ryan got talking to them one day and their love of Beijing rubbed off. Instead of a week's vacation somewhere in Europe this summer, he researched it and found a week in China was comparable. ?!?!

I on the other hand, never ever had China on my bucket list. Do I have a bucket list? Not really, I've always simply tried to keep up with my kids and try to figure out what I'd like to be when I grow up. I think I finally found it, by the way! A family history researcher! We've had an amazing couple of months on that front that I hope to share in the coming months.

How do you prepare for a trip like this? Well, time is definitely a great asset we did not have. We watched the film "The Last Emperor" (three segments that we had to fast forward through) and a documentary from Al Jazeera called "China Rising" that were very interesting looks at recent Chinese history. I've previously read the novels "The Good Earth" and "Snowflower and the Secret Fan" which I recommend on goodreads. 

We scrambled to listen to some audiobooks - I liked "China Road" by Rob Gifford and now I'm listening to "Oracle Bones." Our Chinese history is not very deep or broad unfortunately but we still had a good time, trying to access what we learned at BYU in our World Civ and world religions classes. I'd found some good books at the library for the kids. In order of preference - here's a list:

- The Emperor's Silent Army: Terracotta Warriors of Ancient China by Jane O'Connor

- "You wouldn't want to work on the Great Wall of China" by Jacqueline Morly 

- "The Great Wall of China" by Leonard Fisher

- "An Ancient Chinese Town" by Penelope Hughes-Stanton

- Newberry mentioned "The House of Sixty Fathers" chapter book by Meindert Dejong

- Eyewitness books "Ancient China"

Back to Beijing! Because our heads were in family history work this spring, we didn't have a lot of time to plan the ins and outs on the ground for Beijing. But luckily we found a great guide service at a very affordable hourly rate that let us plan full and half day tours, some with drivers even.

Overview of our time:

Beijing - guide Helen

Day 1 – Airport pickup, child seats, grocery store stop, drop off at hotel. Half day tour - guide met us in the lobby and we walked from the hotel to Tiananmen Square and then around our hotel neighborhood in Wangfujing to get us acclimated. We stayed at the Marriott Executive Apartments hotel which had a kitchenette and washer/dryer. Great hotel near the heart of the city with a big mall with lots of food options.

Day 2 – Half day tour of the Forbidden City, "Legend of Kung Fu" show at Red Theater

Day 3 – Half day tour – came to our rescue when we got lost trying to find church, tour of Jingsham Park and Beihai Park, Acrobats show at Chaoyang Theater.

Day 4 – Full day tour and driver. Mutianyu portion of the Great Wall, great lunch in Mutianyu, Lama Temple, Drum Tower performance, Hutong by rickshaw and visit traditional home

Day 5 – Summer Palace, drive by Olympic Village, DimSum lunch, Temple of Heaven, Pearl Market

Day 6 – relax. Night train to Xi’an

Xi’an – guide Zoe

Day 1 – Full day tour and driver. Arrive at station and met by guide. Stop at market for some snacks and water. Meet driver to be dropped at the hotel. Go to Terracotta Warriors museum complex. Break for dinner. Tang Dynasty show.

Day 2 – Half day tour and driver. Wild Goose Pagoda and area parks and fountain show. Lama Temple, lunch, Old City Wall, Muslim Quarter street, Drum Tower. Dropped off at the train station for night train to Beijing

If you ever decide you want to go here, look up Catherine Yu tours! Excellent service before, during and after - exactly what we hoped for!

Our flight from Frankfurt was 9 hours through the night on Air China. Ryan had bought our tickets back in December and gotten a good deal. We lucked out getting bulkhead seats and a bassinet for Jake to sleep in although he was a bit big for it. Kids loved having their own screen to watch shows and play games on. My bucket list actually does include flying first class on one of those type flights if I must travel that sort of distance. Regular coach seats are just not comfy for that duration!

So our first day in Beijing. We were definitely fish out of water! We had a driver arranged to pick us up and take us to a big grocery store to buy milk, bread, yogurt and water. We'd packed many boxes of cereal for breakfasts. While Ryan ran in to get groceries, I was with the kids in the nice A/C van. Then McKay said he had to go potty. 

I'd fretted a great deal about our tummies finding food and bathrooms because it seems to rule our existence with this many travelers at these ages. This article armed me with the information I needed to prepare but it was rare that we found western style toilets even at American restaurant chains there. Floor toilets are the public norm in China and I really don't have an opinion about what's best west vs east, we're just different. Bathrooms are always gross and I prefer the western sitting toilets because that's what I'm used to. I wasn't ready to face it yet so luckily, Ryan got back and took McKay in. I'd packed many tissue packs for these scenarios since paper is never to be assumed available. 

We were taken to our hotel, our eyes glued to watching the city envelop us as we drove by. Looked like most big cities, just Asian. We were dropped at our hotel and had an hour to settle in before meeting our guide in the lobby.

Helen met us and we were off, walking to Tiananmen Square. We wanted to get acquainted with our neighborhood after that too, particularly where to eat for the duration of our stay. We were immediately noticed by people on the street with four children, two of them very blond and blue-eyed. This is what happened if we paused or stopped moving for the rest of our trip! The kids, particularly Morgan and Jake became local celebrities.

This next little girl did not want to stand next to these foreign strangers and I don't blame her.

Our guide kept trying to get me to remember how to say “four children” in Chinese – sounds like “Seelga”. I don't think it sunk in until the third day! Morgan is patient and endures usually with a smile for them but Jake pushes them away and screams if they got too close. This was all very surreal. The people were genuinely warm so we all just enjoyed it. Morgan did get weary of it by the end.

Here's a great map of Tiananmen Square to show you where we were and what we saw. We entered from the top right and circled the square in front of Mao's mausoleum. 

Here's the great statues in front of Mao's mausoleum. It was very interesting to see so many darn surveillance cams everywhere! 

Soldier guarding Mao's mausoleum. 

Monument to the People's Heros. Guards are on each corner because protests have occurred here such that you can't lay memorial flowers here like people used to.

In front of the Great Hall of the People, their legislature.

The square with tourists like us in front of the Forbidden City.  

I love the look on this little tourist boy's face 

as his mom made him stand next to Morgan for a photo op!

Is this the male or female lion? 

Since it's got a cub under it's paw and not a ball, it's the female.

One of the seven gates into the Imperial / Forbidden City for regular folk. The emperor had his very own large gate.

Lots of guards and plane clothes police to keep foot traffic moving or where they are allowed.

 Helen took us to Snack Street where we saw all sorts of "snacks" we hope to never see again! 

Roasted baby birds, scorpions, spiders as big as your palm, cicadas (a delicacy that costs more than shrimp), centipedes, squid, and starfish! Much of it still squirming! The smells made Easton and I nauseous! But again, people were friendly.

Want some? They fry them up fresh and crunchy on the spot for ya!

Helen then took us to the Oriental Plaza Mall to show us where to eat.our guide took us to the mall to show us where to eat. The food court place she took us too left us wondering if we'd ever find anything edible! The display dishes were gelatinous and made me lose what was left of my appetite after snack street. MSG heaven, I wanted out. Lots of fish dishes and I just wanted some recognizable roasted chicken, rice, and steamed or stir fried veggies. We watched a guy shave noodles from a big block right into a big vat of boiling water and decided to get some. 

This was our first time using chop sticks! McKay's biggest desire of this day and trip was to eat with chopsticks like his friend Erika from school! He got the hang of it pretty quick while the rest of us except Ryan struggled. We've got good video to show it and I'll work on loading that later.

If Jake would have let us, we would have sat and eaten here but he was done with the stroller. We said goodbye to our guide for the day and headed for KFC. The kids were clamoring for something familiar, especially after Snack Street and the food court! At KFC though, the menu was unrecognizable. Lots of sandwiches with mystery fillings and chicken nugget-looking entrees with a volcano of rice and mystery sauces. We got the one familiar item on the menu - a bucket of chicken and some corn on the cob. Then it was back to the Mall for . . .

You see, there's no DQ in Germany. My kids' first Blizzards were last summer with their Papa and my family. They were beyond excited! Blizzards became the daily bribe for good behavior. The Chinese seem to like rum raisin flavors but did have brownie or Oreo mix-ins that did the trick for the kids.

Day One complete! We were so glad to have a guide! We were very happy with the pace of our half day tour. We hoped our food options would improve the next day! Commence baths and showers for all, sleep and the first load of laundry! Next day - a half day tour starting at 1pm of the Forbidden City so we can enjoy a slow morning's recovery.

Recent Reads

I ordered a bunch of books a few weeks ago and it was like Christmas when they started arriving! They were all books I'd had on my reading list for quite some time and the library on base didn't have them.

The first one I cracked open was the children's book "Mirror" that I just wrote about. The kids really enjoyed it!

I now own the kindle, audio, and hard copy of "The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life." I love it that much. Highlighting our understanding of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, I love the short and concise literary examples of conflicting explanations for the timeless conundrums of where we come from, why are we here, and where are we going. It's easy to pick up and put down, but start in chapter 3.

A friend is the fabulous instructor for our ward's "Teaching the Gospel" course the 2nd hour. As one of her visual aids, she had Beverly Campbell's book, "Eve and the Choice Made in Eden" as a visual aid. I'd heard of this book and asked to borrow it. I'm not very far into it but wanted to see how it fared to the Givens' description of our understanding of Eve and the Fall.

But the book I couldn't put down this weekend was Carol Lynn Pearson's "Goodbye, I Love you." I knew her name because she wrote the lyrics to the LDS musical I grew up listening to on a record, "My Turn On Earth." It has my favorite lullaby ever. I'd never known her story at all until recently listening to her tell it on a very long podcast.

The back cover summary of the book says:

Gerald Pearson had been honest with Carol Lynn about his homosexual past, but both of them had faith that marriage and devotion to their religion would change his orientation. Love would conquer all. Then, after eight years of apparent happiness and the birth of four children, Gerald was no longer able to deny what he considered to be his essential self. Carol Lynn was shattered, her self-esteem all but destroyed. Their divorce, however, could not erase a lifetime of love and mutual support. Carol Lynn courageously stood by her former husband's side. Even when he contracted AIDS -- and came home to die.

Carol Lynn is/was a much sought after speaker for LDS events. The Pearsons were married in 1966 and this book was published in 1986, a few years after Gerald passed away. Carol Lynn came to notoriety in Utah and across the LDS US with a book of her poems Gerald self-published because he believed in them so much. They sold like wild fire, and poetry books don't typically do that. Ever. She really is gifted with words, the book flows effortlessly and it's a pretty quick read.

I really loved how honest she was about her pain as everything unfolded and her journey coming to understand and love Gerald despite how his choices hurt her to the core. I really appreciated how she articulated her struggle to understand the place of women in the LDS church and elevate understanding. I've had many of the same questions she sought answers to. Because of the heartaches she suffered, she became more empathetic and aware that there must be many walking wounded around her who also bore their silent sorrows alone. I can attest to this from my own experience although my trials have been  different. All the while, she has clung to her faith in the gospel and remained active in the Church. I was moved to tears as she shared how her ward family came to her aid in Gerald's final days like we Mormons strive to do.

With all the current publicity of civil rights for the LGBT community and same sex marriage initiatives in recent years, this book is a great introduction for Mormons and others of faith to understand a little of  the agony someone experiences when they come to realize that their gender and/or orientation don't fit the mold. This is obviously more on what she and other loved ones go through as well. My heart breaks for those who realize that their hopes for the future, those that their culture and their faith prepare them for is not happening for them for whatever reason. I can only attempt to fathom what that must be like, but I am trying to tap in with empathy, sensitivity, and compassion to their stories. And this doesn't just apply to gay people, there are so many whose life circumstances aren't panning out as they envisioned.

When these issues were first brought to my attention over ten years ago through loved ones and public policies of the day, I based my most of judgements on a lot of fear and not enough empathy or desire to be empathetic. While I still don't know what the best solutions are when it comes to various public and church policies, I do believe everyone deserves to be treated as a child of God, welcomed in our circles with love and respect. I think and hope civility and empathy in the discourse from all sides is improving but still has a long, long way to go.

Carol Lynn Pearson when asked why she's taken up this cause rather than continuing her focus on the status of women has simply replied that women aren't attempting and committing suicide because of their struggle, gay members have and are. If we alienate these anguished souls, we throw them to the wolves. I am grateful for the growing wealth of resources for those like me trying to sort this out. I am now starting Pearson's followup book "No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons around Our Gay Loved Ones." I don't agree or haven't decided what I think about everything Pearson hopes for the future, but I am enjoying the questions I am asking myself and the discussions Ryan and I are having as a result.