Families of Trees

I've been put in charge of our ward's cub scout Blue & Gold Banquet coming up. We're going with a medieval theme "Be Loyal to the Royal within You: Put on the Armor of God." We had the boys paint shields of faith this week. The food will be eaten with our hands - roasted chicken legs, roasted potatoes, cut up fruit and veggies with dips, rolls, and cupcakes. With their shields, the boys will sing, "As Zion's Youth in Latter Days" and we'll recognize rank advancements among them. The scout leaders are planning a Knight's Tournament. It's going to be a lot of fun I hope!

I've had a lot of fun learning more about heraldry symbols used and what colors mean. It's pretty awesome! We see a lot of it here in Europe everywhere I go. I was hoping the boys would choose to paint symbols of their faith (CTR, temples, angel Moroni blowing the trumpet), cub scouting (bears, wolves, trefoils), and their country (flags). The boys did a great job, but I think I'll have to make some for decoration to scratch an itch I've got and maybe they'll be used for decoration by my committee. This is coming from someone - me - who dreams of crafts and never does them! I have one small bucket of paper, one small bucket of craft "supplies." That's it. I always thought once I was a stay-at-home mom, I'd make time to craft and create. It's not happened yet. I've had other priorities when I worked part or full-time while we lived in Virginia and then getting assimilated here in Germany, traveling a lot and all the work that is, and just keeping up with my little people. Crafting just seemed like getting out a mess I'd have to pick up because you can't leave stuff out with little kids around. I so admire my crafty family and friends!

So back to this medieval themed Blue & Gold Banquet. In a planning meeting, we thought it would be fun to incorporate family history. Ryan led a discussion in Elders Quorum at the beginning of the year to set goals for each quarter. The first quarter had to do with family history. In coordination with that goal, we're going to have the boys submit a four generation chart at the Banquet in order to prove their lineage like knights of old did to compete in tournaments. These charts will be on the tables as families get settled and then eat.

A conversation I was having with the scout master's wife, our Relief Society president, reminded me of one of my inspirations. When I was a teenager, my dad and Papa drew a family tree. I am in love with it. It is one of my most treasured possessions. When I got married, I begged my dad to add Ryan to the tree for my wedding gift. He seemed to have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that his first daughter was getting married and growing up, flying the nest for good. But I will always be a part of his branch forever. Happily so! I am so proud of my roots. And I wanted to graft in the man I love and am creating a family with to my young branch and see how we fared. Could we produce good fruit too and weather the storms of life?

That tall middle branch is Dad's branch.

My study this morning was in preparation for Primary Sharing Time this Sunday: "The Fall was part of God's plan." [page 4] (I've got a new calling at church as the Primary first counselor. A good friend at church in congrats joked, "It only took ya four years to graduate to the front of the room!" Ha!" Anyhow, great lesson and I studied the "Preach My Gospel" manual's portion [page 50] with Chapter 3 in "The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life." Seriously, I'm totally in love with this topic and how its interpretation throughout time has contributed to a misunderstanding of Adam and Eve's choice to partake of the fruit in the Garden of Eden. Satan has truly propagated this misunderstanding of The Fall, leading to such heartache pitting men and women against each other and for some women, a view that they are somehow inferior, weak, and punished by being born female. But I love the Restored Gospel! And the theme of trees, fruit, and agency.

I am fascinated by how families portray the linked generations of their families -- quilts, fans, trees, pedigree charts and so forth. But I'm rather partial to trees. As I snapped a picture of Dad's tree for my friend on this cold sunny wintry day with a light new layer of fluffy snow outside, Dad's big Bare bare tree reminded me of a tree getting ready to bloom in spring. Last week all the snow had melted and one of my trees had little pink blossoms on it, I was so excited! My siblings and I are in the midst of adding to our branches on this great tree. My brother Ben and his dear fun wife, Elizabeth, welcomed the newest Bare to the clan last week, cute Marley! Those pink blossoms reminded me of her arrival every day. My sister Brooks and her jovial, tender husband, John, will welcome their first - lil Scott Dean very soon. My youngest sister Abby is getting married this summer. My sister Lorry and her sweet smartypants husband, David, welcomed little Davy in October. My brother Nick and his beautiful creative wife, Christine, welcomed Mikilah last spring. The Bare tree is growing taller and fuller all the time! There's so much potential in this tree filled with people I love.

Like I said, Dad and Papa's tree looks like a tree entering a promising spring. A warm day with birds soaring in the distance, bees busy buzzing around as their preparatory work means blossoms and fruit will appear in coming months. The roots reach deeply into the ground absorbing nutrients to feed the upper limbs reaching toward the sun above. I feel fed by my predecessors, feel them rooting for me and know I'm not alone in the challenges of life here for many have gone before me. The full branches on each side of my dad's tall branch provide balance and beauty to the wholeness of our tree. Clouds above pass on by, sometimes showering each limb with precipitation. Sometimes it falls gently making our colors more vibrant and fresh, but sometimes the rain falls in damaging torrential windy downpours or fluke summer hail storms. The rain falls on all and we all deal with it in our own ways but the tree is still intact and beautiful even before we're in full bloom.

I've thought a lot about that sign post now and then. Many pointers could be added these days with all of us spread out. But home will always be home because of our roots. The other trees in our community not shown in this drawing continue to strengthen the tree and welcome back those who've blown away to put down roots elsewhere. That's why I love visiting my hometown. So many, many good people there.  I revived my Christmas card tradition this past year. It's been a long time. As cards have come in return, I've loved reconnecting with friends and family all over the world. I am so happy the wind has blown me and now my little family to new places so I can continue to glean strength from strong trees in other forests. There are so many good people in and out of the church everywhere we're planted!

There is a beautiful CES devotional given last spring by Elder Marlin K. Jensen that my mind has often turned to when I glance at my family tree and wall of displayed Christmas cards in passing. Elder Jensen shares what he learned about trees from the gardener of the Sacred Grove when he presided there as mission president with his wife and family. It's entitled, "Stand in the Sacred Grove." This is a powerful talk and luckily, easy to summarize because he did it so well in his talk!

Lesson number 1: Trees always grow toward the light.
Lesson number 2: Trees require opposition to fulfill the measure of their creation.
Lesson number 3: Trees are best grown in forests, not in isolation.
Lesson number 4: Trees draw strength from the nutrients created by previous generations of trees.

1. 1. 
   When powers of darkness seek to destroy you—as they once did an inquiring young Joseph Smith, stand in the Sacred Grove and remember the pillar of light, “above the brightness of the sun” (seeJoseph Smith—History 1:15–17).
2. 2. 
   When opposition and adversity hedge up your way and hope dims, stand in the Sacred Grove and remember that “all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good” (D&C 122:7).
3. 3. 
   When loneliness and isolation are your lot and you struggle to establish fulfilling human relationships, stand in the Sacred Grove with the community of Latter-day Saints who have covenanted to help bear your burdens and comfort you in your need.
4. 4. 
   And when experiences or people or conflicting truth claims challenge your faith and create doubt concerning the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ, stand in the Sacred Grove and take strength and encouragement from the generations of faithful Latter-day Saints who have steadfastly stood there before you.

Legacies

I am fascinated by aspects of Mormon culture and traditions recently as I’m figuring out how to frame my thoughts on the gospel and how I live and share it with my family, as a teacher in church, and to my friends. It is interesting to see how culture and traditions shape how we as Mormons understand, teach, and try to live the gospel of Jesus Christ.

My Mormon heritage doesn’t go back generations like it does for some. As a kid, I longed for Mormon pioneer heritage and the stories of ancestors sacrificing all for the gospel and trekking West to follow the prophet of God. Ryan is blessed with that heritage and I find it fascinating, wanting to learn more about them. But I've always been intensely proud of Grandma Honey, and then my mom and my dad for choosing this faith to live and raise our family in.

Bob & Lorry, Engagement

My Grandma Honey (maternal grandmother) who recently passed away this summer was the first to join the church in my family. She joined as a young mother in the midst of the same season of life I am in. I'm sure she was very busy, in fact there's a story in her conversion to the gospel about how she felt directed by the Holy Ghost to do something about her growing faith while on her knees cleaning gum off the floor. She felt like there might be something in religion that would help her raise her family. I feel so blessed by that choice! As a result, my mother was raised by in the church and was influenced by many good church leaders. (This doesn't downplay in any way the strong role my Grandpa Bob played in supporting and leading his family too.) As for my Dad, my mom and a few other young Mormon girls caught my dad's eye as a young man, and while in college he investigated religions and joined the LDS church. This is amazing to me, nothing short of a miracle I feel.

Us Bares in 1994

Home is/was in the Tri-Cities of eastern Washington where there is a large LDS community. My dad's family are wonderful people and are not members of the church. My mom's family is scattered between Washington and California and while all are not LDS, they too are great people whom I love. In Kennewick, about 10% of my high school was LDS and we even had release-time seminary rather than early morning seminary. (This is still rare outside of the Utah-Idaho LDS corridor I believe.) It was great to live in this pocket of the Mormon diaspora (I love that term and idea)! I'm still grateful for it and the fact that my kids also are getting the chance to grow up in it.

This past summer while home, I was so surprised to see how much my family’s ward boundaries have shrunk to accommodate growing membership in my home community. With ward (congregation) size usually in the 200-300 range, the boundaries of my ward when I was young now comprises at least four if not more wards! This is so awesome to see! I loved seeing the flow of people entering the 11 years young temple there, taking advantage of that opportunity to serve and align themselves with the Divine. There were and are so many fabulous people there, righteous and strong men AND women! I am so grateful for their good influence on me growing up! Good people are magnets for other good people. I hope to be a Mormon magnet, in all that's fabulous about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

And here we all are this summer, just shy of two weeks before Grandma Honey passed away. I come from a strong heritage of such good people! All of these people have been influenced by Grandma Honey's choice to seek God and have Him in her life. I have parents and youth teachers who did their best to live and teach the gospel to me and I am forever grateful for that foundation. However, I did and still do feel some of the tensions within LDS doctrine, culture, organization and such which I am still making sense of. 

I am often limited in my understanding and use of words to express what I really mean. For some reason, I’ve recently been thinking a lot about the word “command.” It’s in the scriptures a lot, commandments and all, and as my dictionary confirmed, the word often denotes a power structure, authority, and domination. But when I read that word in the scriptures, I don’t think of the Lord trying to wield power over me. My Heavenly Father has a plan of happiness, a plan of Salvation for me. I believe synonyms for “command” are truly, more accurately His way -- to invite, to instruct, to direct, to persuade.

In my early morning scripture study lately (going on 3+ weeks diligently! YAHOO!), I have loved being reminded of the basic principles of the gospel – faith, humility, guidance of the Holy Ghost, the Atonement of Jesus Christ, forgiveness and repentance. I am reminded of a Heavenly Father and Savior that love me, and all of us. In my desire to share the peace and perspective this knowledge gives me within my family and circle of friends, I often feel like I don’t have the vocabulary I need to express all these thoughts, let alone the brain-mouth capacity to vocalize it.

It makes me sad when friends and family members feel like the church isn’t a good fit for them, that they don’t fit the cookie-cutter ideal and therefore don’t feel welcome within the LDS community or beliefs. The church, like the gospel of Jesus Christ, should feel inclusive where everyone, no matter where they are on the path, feels welcomed and not judged. There’s a two-way street of responsibility and accountability.

As a mother and when I teach my bright Primary class of 10-11 year old girls each week, I want to be sure I stick to the basic, life-changing principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am finding that sometimes Mormon culture has gone beyond the mark to prescribe more than is needed. These prescriptions are sometimes perpetuated by us not individually examining the gospel principles of agency, learning and teaching doctrine. Our intentions are good, but perhaps a bit complacent and lazy in our effort to go to the source. I am often guilty of this but determined to do better.

Rather than set family rules, give youth set guidelines, and share practices of our church, I want to facilitate a more open discussion about why rules and guidelines are in place so we can align ourselves with principles and not judge others who may not have yet examined them. I want to be able to discern between gospel principles and culture/tradition, advocating for change in a Christ-like manner when opportunities arise and are needed. I hope Ryan and I can continue to openly share our life’s experiences with our family and friends so we can form our ideas together about how to apply principles in how we think, speak, act, dress and present ourselves to the world. I want to persuade and invite, rather than command those I love to live the principles that have helped me be happy and feel fulfilled.

This requires more of me as a disciple of Jesus Christ. I fall short regularly, more than once an hour usually. But there’s so much room to get it right - whether it’s keeping my cool "inviting" my kids to do chores, trying to communicate with Ryan amidst the chaos of our young family and career, choosing friends and entertainment, living aspects of the Word of Wisdom, modesty in all its facets, and so forth. These are daily choices and challenges to my faith that come up in my little bubble of a world.

Last night for Family Home Evening, Ryan and I decided to help Easton pass off a portion of his Cub Scout Duty to God requirements because he needs to finish his Wolf badges in the next month before his birthday. We discussed as a family what our duty to God is. We used Easton’s recent school presentation to help give us some ideas. Each of us picked something to work on for the next week that will show our Heavenly Father that we love and honor Him. I am so grateful for Family Home Evening! I love this forum to discuss things of real importance within our family. I don’t take advantage of it enough, I get lazy real easy come Monday night!

I have sometimes let myself get overwhelmed with all that I feel is required of me as a wife, a mother, a homemaker, and a member of the church. I fight the urge to declare aspects of my martyrdom regularly on FaceBook. But what purpose would that serve? Does it edify others or perhaps keep them wallowing like myself. I’ve decided that in this full season of my life, I can choose to be overwhelmed and mired in it or be proactive, hopeful, and pleased with my efforts to be “enough.” I always loved how my Grandma Honey was so quick to laugh and literally danced through life. She didn't seem to stay mired in the hard things life threw at her. She lost her 11 year old daughter, Judy, to leukemia. I can't think of many things in life that would be harder to endure and move forward after. 

I feel I am honoring my Grandma Honey's legacy of faith by taking the time to dig into the gospel with my morning study and trying hard to live my faith. I also feel I am honoring Mormon's legacy, the prophet who's name is our faith's nickname. He abridged the records of the Nephite people in America before being killed in battle leading armies defending his faith and family. They gave me this gift and it's my turn to make something of it. Starting with changing Jake's diaper! Onward and upward!

Recent Soul Food:

Being A More Christian Christian

The God Who Weeps – How Mormonism Make Sense of Life by Terry and Fiona Givens

How many children?

I've miraculously been blessed to find someone to love and be married to, and then also to have children. A huge thank you to my Heavenly Father and Ryan! When meeting someone new, I often fall into this conversation. "Are you guys done?"

Whatever you may believe on this topic, I am fascinated by this conversation and have strong feelings about it. Yesterday I went to a Thanksgiving lunch with Ryan at work. I witnessed this conversation among Ryan and his coworkers and I was a sponge. One guy has three very young kids and is DONE, and came off a bit cynical and tired, but very nice. Another can't wait to have kids with his sweet wife and loves on my little ones as if they were his own. Then you have Ryan with four kids, who apparently is known for breaking into song in the office, always with his "creative" lyrics. I didn't know the other guy well enough to know his family situation. Anyhow, I walked away grateful to be married to someone who loves family life and revels in it, proud to have us come be with him among his work peers. Real family life isn't glamorous, but real fulfillment and joy is found there. We all crave it in different ways I think.

Last night, I watched this conversation play out in my favorite show, BBC's "Lark Rise to Candleford."  Since I don't enjoy the benefits and challenges of living near our families, these family dramas feed something in me. It's the next best thing to BBC's "Downton Abbey" and a lot cleaner and uplifting than NBC's "Parenthood."

The only place I can find to watch it is on youtube in 10 minute increments which is tedious but oh so worth it! The meaty part is at the 4:32 mark where this couple discusses if they should and could handle having more children. They live in a poor little hamlet in the 1860s English countryside with four of their five children, It speaks to the rationale that happens in our heads and the feelings of our hearts, something I hold very dear.

Lark Rise to Candleford Season 2, Episode 11-5

If the link above doesn't work, just search youtube for "Lark Rise to Candelford Season 2, Episode 11-5."

So are the Carters done having kids? Nope. I knew it the moment Jake was born, same as with the others. It was really comforting, yet odd at the same time. Not overwhelming, just a thought in my mind and I'm grateful for it.

Have we set a number? Nope. Ryan and I have simply made it an ongoing discussion. Each time asked we simply say, "We just take each one at a time. At least we hope one at a time! Twins do run in the family, my mom was one!"

I've just spent the past two weeks on an experiment on myself. In my dad's testimony of his conversion to the gospel and the church, he wrote how he experimented with parts of our faith - prayer, reading scriptures, not swearing, going to church on Sundays, etc. So I decided to do my own experiment. I love to sleep, but I am a night owl. Yet I have been waking up early for the past two weeks to get my scripture study in before everyone else is up. It hasn't been easy. I have really enjoyed it. As I thought about it this morning after the crazy morning rush to get everyone out the door, I realized how this experiment has begun to change me in three ways in just two weeks.

1) I am excited to wake my kids up in the morning and love on them a little, even though some of them don't feel happy about having to join the world. Last week this helped me do something for Easton on a rough day and he shared at dinner that I was his "warm fuzzy" of the day! I hope my moment of loves fuels them through rough days.

2) I am more hopeful as I tackle the mundane or unwelcome surprises that are my chores or tasks. I don't despair as much at the state of my house and just do what I can, hoping it will be enough. I will say I do run out of hope sometimes through the day and need to work on that (earlier bedtime, better meals, exercise?!). One. Thing. At. A. Time. Rome wasn't built in a day, right?

3) I feel closer to promptings of the Holy Ghost, making time each day to follow them and it's often to reach out to someone else in love and friendship. I love having friends!

So the experiment will continue. What does this have to do with the conversation of how many children to have? As our lives fill up more with these little people to raise, I am recognizing more and more how selfish I tend to be so easily. In order to raise these kids into good people, I have to sacrifice a lot of my guilty pleasures. But those pleasures don't hold anything of true value and meaning when I step back.

When I put my spiritual well-being literally first on my priority list of the day, my heart is open and ready for my family and my day. I don't keep a spotless house. I won't be walking down a runway any time in this life or have an etsy shop. I don't lead a life worthy of news by the leaders of my communities, but I love my life. It is full and messy, but worth all the work and self-sacrifice because it makes me better than who I am without it. I choose marriage. I choose children. I choose motherhood. I choose faith. I feel truly blessed and I am happy.

Loneliness

We're enduring some angst over here. A certain 8 year old couldn't be coaxed out of bed on Thursday morning until 10 minutes before it was time to get out of bed. I'd tried everything short of freaking out when I finally sat down and held him. Time to spill the beans, what's up?! He sobbed that he didn't feel like he fits in. My heart broke for him. I was very surprised because he'd just been at his buddy's birthday party the previous day having a great time with many kids who enjoy his company. He has some really nice friends here but when some of them make new friends, he's the comfy "old friend" and feels real lonely.


His other reasons were related to some rough play at recess break he's trying to avoid and some German homework that didn't get finished. He's a pretty sensitive kid. I cheered him up enough to get him out of bed and on his way with a special little note in his lunch. He was in my thoughts all day and I couldn't wait to hear how the day turned out. It was a mixed bag - the day was okay except that some kids made comments about him not finishing his homework which caused the teacher to then dwell on it. He hates being put on the spot like that and I know I probably would have broke down in tears of mortification if it'd been me. He's still smarting from an incident last year where he got a tongue lashing from his teacher because his German wasn't up to her expectations of him. I knew this teacher was going through some personal stuff and may have boiled over on him more than she'd meant to. Anyhow, he made it through the day and his "warm fuzzy" shared at dinner was my note in his lunch.

Well, this morning he was to spend the day at a Stake Primary Activity. When he realized we would be dropping him off to stay by himself he cried for at least two hours straight that he didn't want to go and be alone. Ugh! I love activities like this, it was hard for me to relate with his fears because I like meeting new people in that setting. I know this isn't the case for most people, but did it really warrant TWO HOURS of crying?!!

Ryan and I tried everything we could think of to calm him down and bill it as the fun activity with friends that it was, but he stubbornly refused to brighten his attitude. Twenty minutes before leaving, Ryan was finally able to reason with him. I'm thinking our boy might have just needed a good cleansing cry too. I totally have those now and then! Either way, he came out and apologized and said he knows it's okay to be afraid but not to cry about it for two hours like that. Phew! And off we went! Five hours later, he was all smiles, literally flying a kite he'd made, said he'd made new friends, and danced his heart out at their kid disco! Who's kid is this?!

Loneliness is one of those hard things to endure in various seasons of life. I'm pretty sure it's a universal experience by all of humanity. I remember feeling it intensely as a child, as a teen (even in a family with a lot of kids no less!), as a college student, a working gal out on my own, and even now and then in this stage of being a wife and mother. Having been blessed to make friends easily and now most of all to have a husband and children, you'd think the lonely bug couldn't reside here. But friends and family can't always fill the void you feel deep down at times for various reasons. Sometimes this void feels downright paralyzing. That lonely void has felt different through the seasons I've grown through so far.

And each time I have to relearn what to do with it - how to climb out? I liked the imagery in that recent Elder Maxwell talk I'm studying. He talks about how we sometimes let our burdens allow us to become "mired in" the "ooze" or "swamp of self-pity." It's no party to say the least! For me, the answer has been a return to the basics of a reliance on the gospel of Jesus Christ. Clinging to it as my buoy. I think it may sound trite to some, but I've learned over the years that it is the heart of the matter for me. Maxwell's talk reminded me of this - "the great question -- whether there really is a rescuing and redeeming Christ." "It is by the power of the Holy Ghost that we know that Jesus is the Christ, that he lived and lives."

I vividly remember a powerful time of extreme loneliness and pain. I had just begun my senior year in college with a rough start. My embarrassing, fresh diagnosis of ulcerative colitis was exhibiting itself in full force but had a new symptom. I now had an open, oozing, growing lesion on my left shin - in one week it had gone from the size of a quarter to the almost the size of my flat hand. This lesion looked like raw hamburger. It was so painful I couldn't walk on it or attend any classes for two months. The pain often woke me up and kept me up all night. The medicine to stop it's growth made my head buzz and also stole sleep from me while the meds to manage the pain made me sleepy. I was a real mess! My roommate had moved into the other room, it was a bit traumatic for us all I think.

There I lay one night in exquisite pain, tears of loneliness freely flowing. I felt ugly - puffy faced from the high dose of steroids in my system, a disfigured leg and a bad recent short haircut. I was low. My future seemed very uncertain and I was mourning the loss of my health. I was very depressed and far from the comfort of my family.

In agony and prayers for relief, a scripture in the Book of Mormon came clearly to my mind - 1 Nephi 11:16. "Knowest thou the condescension of God?" At first I was wondering why of all things this random scripture came to mind. But then I realized it spoke to my understanding of our Savior's life and ministry, of how Jesus had born all things we would endure here through his Atonement for us. He endured so much in his short time on earth. Words can not adequately describe the imagery and understanding I felt at that time. And then for a time my mind was quieted and I felt as if I was being held in someone's arms. The pain of my leg didn't go away, but I knew I wasn't bearing it alone and that meant everything to me. The Comforter was real. I felt able to let go of my fears.

Buoyed up by this feeling, I felt I could face another 10 minutes, another hour, another difficult day.

Over the years, quiet moments like this spent really thinking about what I believe or listening to peaceful, inspired music seem to be my antidotes to the dark, lonely void. They don't nip it in the bud, but they make it bearable and connect me with my Heavenly Father, my Savior and the Comforter. Looking for opportunities to be thoughtful and serve others also helps me endure sometimes.

I am sure life's got some good curve balls in store for me yet. I'm glad I got the chance to organize my thoughts here to share with my sensitive little guy. Hopefully we can figure out what works for him when the lonely bug bites, for his journey has just begun and there's bound to be a swarm now and then along the way. 

Complementary, Not Competition

complementary: describes an addition that produces completeness or perfection in something

One of my favorite talks from this month's General Conference was Elder Christofferson's address in the semi-annual Priesthood meeting for men.

"Brethren, much has been said and written in recent years about the challenges of men and boys. A sampling of book titles, for example, includes Why There Are No Good Men Left,The Demise of Guys,The End of Men, Why Boys Fail, and Manning Up. Interestingly, most of these seem to have been written by women. In any case, a common thread running through these analyses is that in many societies today men and boys get conflicting and demeaning signals about their roles and value in society."

"The author of Manning Up characterized it this way: “It’s been an almost universal rule of civilization that whereas girls became women simply by reaching physical maturity, boys had to pass a test. They needed to demonstrate courage, physical prowess, or mastery of the necessary skills. The goal was to prove their competence as protectors of women and children; this was always their primary social role. Today, however, with women moving ahead in an advanced economy, provider husbands and fathers are now optional, and the character qualities men had needed to play their role—fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity—are obsolete and even a little embarrassing.”¹

"In their zeal to promote opportunity for women, something we applaud, there are those who denigrate men and their contributions. They seem to think of life as a competition between male and female—that one must dominate the other, and now it’s the women’s turn. Some argue that a career is everything and marriage and children should be entirely optional—therefore, why do we need men?² In too many Hollywood films, TV and cable shows, and even commercials, men are portrayed as incompetent, immature, or self-absorbed. This cultural emasculation of males is having a damaging effect.

". . . Brethren, it cannot be this way with us. As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home. We cannot afford to have those who exercise the Holy Priesthood, after the Order of the Son of God, waste their strength in pornography or spend their lives in cyberspace (ironically being of the world, while not being in the world).

"Brethren, we have work to do."

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this call to duty and can't get it out of my head! But I don't feel like it was just to the men of the church. I felt I needed to live up to this as well in my support! 

I am raising three sons so far. I am raising a daughter that I hope will find a worthy young man to marry some day. I can be a more loyal wife, supporting my wonderful husband as he strives to answer this call. I can support the men and boys of my family and community. There is just as much we women can and should do!

My favorite class at BYU was The International Political Economy of Women and I'm pretty sure I've written about it here before. We examined the hardest things life has thrown at women - unrighteous patriarchy; armed conflict; slavery; women and the priesthood; lack of access to life, health care, property, education, and so forth. We looked at the politics of breast feeding - fascinating! I saw raw emotion from my classmates as we sought to understand hard things they've felt and witnessed. I just found the syllabi online and it speaks for itself. 

The International Political Economy of Women - Political Science 472

Objectives

• To understand the roles women play in world society as producers, reproducers, agents of cultural continuity and change, and to render women "visible" in international and national affairs.
  
• To explore in greater depth women's choices about education, family, and work in the developing world.
  
• To investigate transnational issues directly concerning women's lives, and the objectification and subordination of women that often results.
  
• To discuss the dynamics of change in women's lives and in their societies, including the dynamics of religious beliefs, and to learn about programs for change that already exist. 
  
  
  This course required the most varied reading and study of any I have ever taken, but as my roommates can attest, I loved every minute of it! I felt so empowered by this class and how to move past feeling embittered by issues I found unfair and confusing. I learned how to see hard issues through the lense of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Coming to understand things in this way has given me peace as a woman of faith, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I hope we can all support the goodness and righteous aspirations of our men and boys without feeling threatened or envious. 
  
  
  Men and women aren't in competition, we are complementary: two halves that with the Lord's help can make a perfect whole. They need us as much as we need them! And the world needs us standing together now more than ever!

The Prophet Comes To Germany!

What a great opportunity we had to go see President Monson speak on Saturday in Munich and then again via broadcast from Frankfurt on Sunday!

Our ward was allotted a certain number of tickets from our stake to go see President Monson in Munich. Due to the last minute nature of this trip, the church was unable to secure larger venues to accommodate all who would have liked to be there. I feel so fortunate that we were able to get four tickets and left Jake and Morgan with a lovely coworker of Ryan's. We were able to sit together thankfully, but it was in the top far right balcony. Hey, it worked!

In addition to the packed nature of this small auditorium at the Residenz palace in the heart of Munich, I think everyone was anxious about translation. They had some headsets for translation in English and Spanish and I was able to get just one for the four of us. The first speaker was in German and then the Area Seventy had a translator stand with him as did President Monson. The amplifier system wasn't the best were we were seated unfortunately, but we got most of it. It really is remarkable that this can work out in the end!

Satan sure was working hard on us Saturday morning! A couple kids woke up extremely grumpy and I was exhausted from an over-scheduled week. But we made it there and it was wonderful to see and listen to a living prophet I truly admire. President Monson has a long history of visits to Germany - the first being in 1968. He loves the countryside and in autumn, who wouldn't?! He is 85 now and seemed to be in good health, eager to cater to some of the children who came forward to shake his hand, get his autograph or to receive a framed portrait from an 8 year old little girl. Very sweet.

President Monson's life has been filled with listening to and then acting on the promptings of the Holy Ghost to reach out and help others. His words spoke to my heart. He spoke about the need to rescue others and bring them back to the safety of activity in the gospel. How the catalyst is the principle of love. "May we join the ranks and be fishers of men" . . . "Be doers of the word and not hearers only". . . "Show love" . . . "We are on the Lord's errand and entitled to His help" . . . "Live together in love." He always has good stories!

Love, Love, Love. Live together in love. Man, that's such a tall order and yet so true! Minute by minute there are so many opportunities to choose the wrong course of thought and action in this young family of mine! I haven't felt 100% this weekend and was even more prone to be short-tempered and flustered, but I tried, failed, cried, and tried some more again.

On Sunday today, instead of regular ward meetings, we met at the chapel as a stake to listen to President Monson be broadcast from a large venue in Frankfurt. And again, this morning was a trial for me to get us all out the door! It's like herding cats around here sometimes! We made it there and it was unclear where English translation would be happening. We finally settled in the Relief Society room because it was the least populated and took our chances. Once again, the format was the same with a German speaker, then the Area Seventy, then President Monson. This time, you didn't have to wear headphones, the broadcast was in German but there were translators at our chapel piped in over the speaker system in each room. I am so grateful for this whole effort so I could listen and understand!

President Monson's remarks were similar to yesterday's but different stories and a few other themes. The first part of his talk focused on patterning our lives after the Savior's life. He taught forgiveness by forgiving, compassion by being compassionate to those around him, was ever loyal, ever loving. He asks us to Follow Him. Great stories - two on the theme of remembering birthdays of those who are lonely and reaching out to others. Again he talked about inviting individuals back into full activity in the gospel through ward events and harnessing their talents to incorporate them into the fold. Great stories!

In the end, I'm glad we made the effort to be there for both meetings. Not easy with four little ones, but totally worth it to feel the Holy Ghost testify truth to me and to feel my heart pricked with things I can be doing better to become a better daughter of God.

Favorite finds, what a relief!

Am I weird for not dreading talking to my kids about anatomy, sex and all those topics that make parents squirm? I was not an inquisitive youngster on this topic, but I do wish I'd had more accessible information that respected my level of need to know / want to know. 

With so much misinformation and filth so prevalent these days on such a topic so vital to my kids' well-being, I want my kids to be armed with confidence in the truth. I also obviously want them to know their parents' and faith's values based upon our Heavenly Father's plan. I've been on the hunt for years to find good age and personality-appropriate books to read WITH my children. I am not good without a script! A book allows me to guide the conversation, gives us something to look at, and encourages the kids to comment and ask questions. Surely, in this day and age there had to be some good books that fit the bill, right? Well, most to date have made me squirm -- not enough detail, too much detail, bad illustrations, heavy bias one way or the other . . . etc.  

But Hallelujah! I think I found some I like for the ages of my kids! Here's my recent favorite finds found browsing the library shelves a few weeks ago. Both of these are by Robie H. Harris and have different illustrators. They are available on Amazon for ~$16 each.

"Who's Got What?"
Geared toward 2-7 year olds as a family takes a trip to the beach with their dog. Okay illustrations of what's inside and outside the body that makes us male or female. I shared this with my 3 and 6 yr old and they enjoyed the information and story. Nice and basic.

"It's So Amazing: A book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families"
I'd say this one is for 5-10 yr olds that want to or need to know more than who's got what. Just good to have around. I'm sure many adults will learn a thing or two as a refresher course, I know I did! Big topics are broken down into bite-sized sections for easy digestion so kids and parents can take it all in at their own pace! Topics include anatomy, feelings about these topics, puberty, reproduction, sex, sexuality, keeping your body safe, birth, adoption, family types, and STDs -- in 79 pages! The artwork and text are thorough without conveying a bias which I find to be the most amazing part! The author seems to strive to define each topic and not state a bias - that will bother most or some but for me and where I stand, I love how open ended this leaves it for me, the parent. The comic strip illustrations and text are very age appropriate to draw a child of reading age in and get them talking. 

I have begun sharing "It's so amazing" with my 8 year old because I know kids around him are beginning to have conversations and experiences that make me want to homeschool! While reading this book before introducing it to my kids, I felt impressed to simply print and post a copy of The Family: A Proclamation to the World in the book. I feel that the majority of my values on these topics are stated in this one document in bite-sized chunks. Having it in the book lets me reference it as needed. Once my own copy arrives in the mail, I will do the same and probably make a note in the book's margins of what Proclamation paragraph and line I want to use to clarify our family's beliefs. 

I do want to note that I was able to read through the author's book on puberty and I found it too full of opinions I do not share. I was very disappointed. The search will continue!

But to end on a happy note, last week I stumbled upon this next gem we used tonight for Family Home Evening. Written by an LDS gal whose blog I follow and beautifully illustrated, "God Gave Me a Body" is a great way to introduce modesty and keeping your body safe from pornography and other harmful things. I'm so happy about how our reading and family discussion went tonight, it was just awesome! Before the lesson, Ryan asked me if the kids were too young for these topics but by the end, we were both convinced we were in the knick of time if not late to the party!

Not totally unrelated, if you read through the comments below their book's post, there's a discussion and great comment from the illustrator, Jessica W. Clark, about LDS artists, nudity, and pornography. She shared an interesting blog post by LDS artist J. Kirk Richards. If there's one thing you become accustomed to seeing when traveling in Europe, it's nudity in art. Is Michaelangelo's David pornographic? To me it is not and I see it and appreciate it as a masterpiece. Yet my life's experience and level of comfort with nudity is such that I don't necessarily wish for a full body replica to be displayed in my home. We do, however, have a small souvenir bust of David's head because of a description I read about how Michaelangelo set his David's eyes to convey different emotions rooted in human spirituality - faith, determination, hope, and courage versus fear, uncertainty, and despair. I love David's story - his entire story. I admire Michaelangelo and loved the portrayal I recently read of him in Basilica: The Splendor and the Scandal: Building St. Peter's. 

Testimony Bearing Boot Camp

Today I got my buns in gear like a proper Monday should be - fresh with high ideals! After breakfast and putting Jake down for his morning nap, I put my ipod cuff on and buzzed around doing chores while listening to the "Past Impressions" program from the Mormon Channel about the early Restoration days of the church. I boiled up some eggs so Jake could try egg yolk for the first time and the boys could have them in their lunches for the rest of the week - one of their favorites. I ate breakfast and lunch with Morgan, took her on a run, and we began the Teach Your Child to Read in 100 lessons. She proudly learned the sounds "m" and "s" and how to write them which is new to her. This is to say that this much productivity and joy are not routine for me - so I'm documenting that it has in fact happened and may just happen again. Tomorrow?! 

A word about taking Morgan running. This girl can't help herself, she loves to run! She has serious energy and it is so awesome to see how well she goes for so long. Two weeks ago when I first took her, it was hot so we made a deal that we'd run to the shade everywhere along the trail. She liked that game! Last week at the boys' run-a-thon she ran over a mile on the track. Today she ran almost the entire 20 minutes we were out but rain cut us short. She’d holler, “Power Speed!” now and then to keep her motivation up and I am always BEHIND her! Ryan and I both like to think she got it from each of us. 

I feel like I learn something new about her every day. I see so much of my features in her face - it's uncanny. She's a challenge and when she melts down, no one escapes the decibel of her scream. But when I get it right, she's so much fun!

For Family Home Evening, I had planned to do a family tree activity tonight with the kids where we'd post up pictures of three or four generations of our families. But I was six pictures shy of my goal so we scrambled. True to form, Ryan led a great impromptu FHE lesson. (Why do I even bother trying?! I guess we all know that the one preparing gets the most out of their own lesson so I must be in serious regular need! Oddly enough, I heard on one of my programs today a passing theory that those who serve missions get about a ten year "jump" on those who don't but we all even out in time with due diligence and study. Whether that is true or not doesn't matter to me, but I see evidence of it possibly having bearing now and then when I get to see Ryan in his element teaching. I'm a lucky woman to have snagged him!) 

This weekend was Easton's first time fasting. Ryan's lesson was the perfect follow-up as he briefly covered the facets of fasting, fast offerings, Fast & Testimony meeting, and finally – Testimony Bearing Boot Camp. (So the name is my idea, but he totally rocked the activity.) He lined the kids up in a straight line and they had to repeat after him, “I want to bear my testimony,” one by one and head to the back of the line.

Next round, they had to add one thing they wanted to bear testimony of:

Easton - “I want to bear my testimony that I am grateful for this beautiful earth that God created for us.”

McKay – “I want to bear my testimony that I know this church is true.”

Morgan – “I want to bear my testimony and I love my family.”

Next round, add a proper closing:

Easton – “I want to bear my testimony that I am glad Heavenly Father created this beautiful earth for us and that I know this church is true. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”

McKay – “I want to bear my testimony that I know Joseph Smith was a prophet. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”

Morgan – “I want to bear my testimony that . . . In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”

It was an awesome thing to see and the kids got it! Ryan’s concept was simply brilliant! Perhaps others have done this too, but I'd never seen it done and to have it done with OUR kids was just awesome. Ryan and I both bore our testimonies to the kids and challenged them to bear testimony in the meeting next month even though we’ll be in Tuscany. If they do it, we’ll do it too.

Last week McKay had come to me and told me he wanted to give his friend Joseph a Book of Mormon. It was so cute and I loved the conversation we had. He wants to share the Book of Mormon with his friend because he wants his friend to use better words and to be kinder. It was so wonderful to me to see that we as parents were doing something right on this score. That McKay knows that reading the Book of Mormon changes people for the better. We're hoping to invite Joseph to church with us this week. I love that kids make that so simple!

I'm in the missionary chapters of Alma right now and love sharing little bits of it with the kids this past month. Such great stories!!! I know the Book of Mormon changes my life and makes me a better person as I read, study and ponder about the prophets and missionaries who find, serve, and soften hearts to teach God's beautiful Plan of Redemption. I am so grateful for my knowledge that Jesus Christ is my Savior and the eternal blessings I earn as I live up to the covenants I have made at baptism and in the Holy Temple.