"You need an au pair!" Frau Wenig blurted out. Hmmm. . . is it that obvious? Ouch.
I was chatting with the boys' kindergarten teacher about fun things to do around here at Christmas when McKay shrieked and we spotted him take a swipe at Easton. I turned my attention to McKay and told him we don't hit and that he needed to say sorry to Easton. At home it would've been an immediate time out, but I wanted to finish my chat and take the drama on at home. Upon my arrival, McKay had earlier swiped one of the toy animals from Easton and thrown a tantrum when Frau Wenig made him give it back.
I really hate disciplining in public and feel especially self-conscious in front of Frau Wenig because of the language barrier and I feel like I always appear the frazzled mother of three youngins. I have often referred to feeling like they all think I'm incompetent, but I know it's more that they understand where I'm at and know it's a big job. I just seem to show more overwhelmed moments than shining ones for this crowd. If they could just see the serene moments at home - really, they do happen more often than not! And I'm glad I've had my kids "close" together because they are already becoming great friends, all three!
As I've mulled over Frau Wenig's comment yesterday about me needing a nanny, a flood of responses have come to mind. "No, I just have a tired, hungry three year old who has reached his limit and will make life miserable until he's had lunch and a nap." "A nanny'd be great, but I don't have the budget or room to house one." Or, "No, I just need a maid and personal assistant so I can be the full-time mom I want to be."
It's rough being humbled, being seen in need of help and called out. The confident, people-pleasing part of me recoils at any suggestion that I might be lacking in any way. I don't know a mother who wouldn't want some sort of help for the endless list of functions a mother performs daily.
Frau Wenig has seen plenty of my need in the past weeks as I've been a little more frazzled than usual. Her comment was made in kindness. It did, however, make me analyze where I am right now. Funny thing was, on Monday, I had a great day and accomplished enough on all mothering fronts to be satisfied with myself. It's never enough, but I was, as I said, satisfied with what had been done.
Easton picked shapes for learning time Monday. He was tracing our various shaped blocks and writing what shape it was below. I'm trying real hard to play catch up on his writing skills, can ya tell? I've been impressed with how long he'll work on these projects lately! He's soooo ready for school, it's exciting!
I should have known, McKay was more interested in sharpening pencils the entire time. But now all the pencils in the house are sharpened and even some of the erasers too!
He's so happy to have been such a good helper! I had to be satisfied that his "learning time" is always much different than my objective. We're just going for exposure for him, right?
I was able to have a frank discussion today with Frau Wenig about McKay and whether or not this school was a good fit for him. Easton hasn't been eager to learn German and doesn't mind playing by himself or with his one English speaking friend. The kindergarten has served more as a playdate for the boys and an opporunity for me to knock out chores, errands, appointments, and exercise. It was good to get their teacher's feedback as I figure out what I want in the coming months.