Wednesday, December 21

Journaled this Dec 21st

I have half a dozen posts waiting to be finished. It's pretty indicative of my life right now. A lot going on and nothing ever getting my full attention or being finished. I'd like to finish posts about a few more Christmas markets we enjoyed, the kids' latest antics, dental adventures, things that I've read/seen/heard that have inspired me, Christmas preparations, our first good snow, Easton's 8th birthday and more. But today I just want to document my overwhelmed-ed-ness that is my life and how grateful I am for Heavenly Father answering my tearful prayers for perspective. Here's a little bit of the backstory:

Our kitchen sink won't drain which means we also can't use the dishwasher - since Saturday, but I'm now regretting anything eaten off of dishes since Wednesday. We've hit it with Drano, a plunger, the yard hose, a 5 and 10 meter (30 feet) snake thingy all to no avail. Ryan's given it everything he's got and I love him for it!!! And get this, the pipes were just given a professional cleaning 3 weeks ago after we had a major leak addressed. Don't worry though - the plumber said he can come NEXT Tuesday which is better than the one who said he might be able to make me an appointment in the first week of January. Great. So tomorrow I officially move a table into the bathroom so I can wash the accumulation of dishes, pots and pans. It ain't pretty! This is all great timing with the kids now home for Christmas break and all the cooking, baking, and eating we were looking forward to this weekend.

The van. We just got snow tires and fixed one of our sliding van doors only to have the other sliding door give out four days later. It's caused an uncomfortable fit of rearranging seats and a boat load of patience to load and unload the kids many times a day. The van's also in desperate need of an oil change but I can't seem to get it to the shop on the days and times where they can have it done in a reasonable amount of time for my schedule. The front headlight is out but the plumbing disaster has taken main stage even though I may have gotten a traffic flasher ticket for it. Or the ticket was for going 70km/hr in a 50km/hr speed trap strip of road. Twice. Grrr.

I walked around with a wet cold foot all day today because my only pair of boots apparently has a hole in them. And so do my favorite house slippers I also discovered today.

I can't seem to find time to eat or figure out what to eat when given a moment to remember a meal time has come and gone. We haven't had an overabundance of activities, just a steady stream of regular errands that need to be run but I can't seem to stay on top of them, the house work, the meals, and all the other things a wife and mother juggles.

I started Morgan in German kindergarten two weeks ago with mixed results and a lot more time than I ever bargained for in the drop-off attempts. It's had me examining my motives, parenting skills, her needs . . . when I have time for actual thoughts of course.

Last night as Ryan could see my frustration over the plumbing and other things tipping me toward the breaking point, he asked if he should send me to a hotel. Poor guy, I think I snapped back at him about what good would it do? The tasks still had to be done and I'd have to leave that lovely place to get home before he left for work because he can't take the day off right now.

As I sat in Morgan's room folding a mountain of laundry tonight I let the tears just come. And I prayed for my Heavenly Father to comfort me, to help me see the true sources of my anxieties and be able to communicate my feelings and articulate my needs to Ryan. In Ryan's attempts to help me find solutions, I always get defensive because there's nothing like having your weaknesses pointed out and always so visible all the time!

So my life is really busy right now. Who's isn't? So there's been some big bumps lately. It happens. I was reminded of how exhausted Ryan was the three days I was in the hospital after having Jake. He'd arrive with the kids all disheveled and amazed at what it took to get everyone out the door and where they needed to go. Never mind the chores, there wasn't time to do them so it waited until I got home and we all tackled them together. Ryan saw that he simply didn't have time with all the running around and taking care of all of us. So we chatted about that reality briefly so he'd remember how it felt to be in my shoes. I'm always having to remind myself of what Ryan's day at work must be like so that I don't overdo my expectations of him. It's a daily challenge for me.

So it's almost 1am and I'm falling asleep as I type. I can expect Jake to wake up twice between now and 7am when it all starts again so that gives me a chance to get more sleep tonight than I got last night.