Wednesday, March 3

Failures to Communicate

A few examples from today:

#1 I'm 37 hours past the hardest workout of my life. It didn't feel hard at the time, just good. I think because each portion of the workout was broken up into small intervals, I overdid it in my enthusiasm to be there kid free! Apparently I need to dial down my effort level during that one hour so I can actually move freely for the rest of the demanding hours in the days following. My bod and I need to have a lil' heart to heart about our limitations!

#2 Morgan has entered that phase where she's very communicative and opinionated but we don't yet understand one another. Yes, it's a process and I've done this before but today she upped the ante and as usual, looking back it's cuter. I was occupied finishing something I was determined to finish and Morgan was not pleased. She screamed and hollered. Sometimes, she gives up after a minute or so of getting no response. Not this time. Sometimes she'll go pick on a brother out of boredom. Not this time. Today, she grabbed McKay's Buzz Lightyear and began throwing it to the floor so the bang would accompany her "In your face!" screams. I tried to ignore her. I have to give it to her, she really lasted longer than I thought.

Counter this with another realization that always hits me around this same time of development. Does she do these exhibitions for her daddy? Not that I've discovered. Ryan, feel free to comment - there's a first time for everything! ;) There's been a couple times this past week where I'll get home or wake up to find her nestled in Ryan's lap, happy as a clam. She'll look up and smile at me and I'll think, "You're so sweet!" Then she'll often hop down off his lap and start bossing me around within minutes. It's usually a demand for food, but sometimes it's just to be bossy. All three of my kids have done this and with respect to food, still do. Wish I could channel their needs into a friendlier pitch.

#3 I've met some real nice ladies in my little town here through the German kindergarten that share my native tongue. I admire their linguistic versatility as they chat fluently with the teachers and then translate for me when needed. When we run into each other at the school we chat longer than I'm sure the kindergarten teachers wish us to do while they try to get the kids gathered for circle time. I always walk away resolved to make an effort to spend some time getting to know them better. And then my life distracts me until the next chance run-in and another note-to-self.

Yesterday I emailed a couple of them to ask when we could get together soon. Sadly I rely too much on email as a quick fix so I was surprised when one of them actually called me today to set up a time. As we chatted at length, because many of us moms have the gift to gab when given the opportunity in our conversation starved daily routine, she revealed a serious struggle she's been navigating for the past five months since we really first met. It's revelations like these that have me kicking myself for not following those fleeting promptings and notes to self. I've thought of her dozens of times, thinking I should call her. Why do I wonder and wait for a "why" to get off my duff and reach out?! Today I was reminded that our stewardships to those around us are not soley extended at church through callings and visiting teaching.

#4 I was catching up on a friend's blog this afternoon [perhaps during one of Morgan's episodes], and identified. It was about how life can change in an instant and how while she may not appear to be happy and content with her life but she really is and wishes she showed it more often within her home to the ones who mean the most to her. That would be me. I am happy and content with my life right now. I love Ryan so much and wish I was better at supporting him rather than getting frustrated that he can't read my mind, selfish girl that I am. I love my kids and wish I told them more often and showed them more often throughout the day. I am suffering from a major case of self-inflicted lack of patience and humility on the home front lately. I am afraid I am sending the wrong messages to those I desperately want to choose me for eternity.

I've got some work to do.