Monday, November 16

Reflexes, Crutches, and Outlets

I just read The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. I had a hard time putting it down. I don't know that I'd recommend it because of the subject matter, but I really liked how it was written. I don't know if I will see the movie soon to be released by Peter Jackson of Lord of the Rings fame. Alice Sebold writes this drawing on her own personal tragedy of which she has written a memoir.

I don't seek out darker themed books, but I'd heard a couple people recently talk about this book. I really enjoyed the character development and process of healing they experience. It has me thinking about how I handle tragedy. I have been rather fortunate in life, but there have been some hard things here and there. What do you do when the trial you face is not something you can freely talk about? Something that makes you feel alienated from all or most of the people around you, even your family?

Looking back at those times, here's what I've realized about myself. First and foremost, I've relied on my faith in a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for me. It's a reflex I've got and I feel so blessed it's a part of me. I know that all of my experiences in this life are for my ultimate good and my growth. That being said, it doesn't make the trial easy. Relying on His comfort through prayer and sacred music have been my crutches. I wish I was more dutiful in my scripture study, but turning to them has also been therapeutic to hear His voice. My greatest outlet has often been to write, to journal. A place to process my feelings in a safe place and try to understand what is happening and feel empowered by letting some of it go in little pieces at a time. One of Alice's characters sort of did this and that's what got me thinking..

I have always wished I was a creative writer. Assignments in school to write a story were tortuous. Trying to make up a story for my kids feels the same way. But journaling, and now also blogging, have gained greater significance to me as life goes on. Blogging here has been my "creative" outlet these past couple years. Not all that "creative/crafty" in the ways I've always defined it for myself, but I'm coming to appreciate my own way and let go of expectations and comparisons that left me unsatisfied with this space. Ahhhhh, that felt so good!

This book also made me want to cherish the small moments at home and the people within these walls. Love them to pieces, I do! Now I must obey McKay's pleadings to go tickle him on my bed and forsake my household chores a bit longer.