Ever been in a funk? A rut? Restless?
I've enjoyed a cross fit class lately but haven't updated my workout wardrobe in almost ten years. A quick browse to try on some clothes complete with full length mirror during the episode was just disheartening. It was as fun as swim suit shopping or being fitted for a bra. Disheartening, yet no real big deal to me. I can handle that type of discouragement pretty well.
However, Easton's reading log on the fridge taunted me this week as my own personal parenting barometer. We're supposed to read to Easton at least 10 minutes a day. I haven't put that time in this week. I've been in a funk.
Oddly enough, I began planning my Primary lesson last Monday focused on showing love. The purpose of the lesson was to increase our desire to show love to others by the example set by Abraham with Lot and those of Sodom and Gomorrah. I was inspired to focus on my family.
I'm also in the middle of reading "The Robe", a loooooong novel about a young Roman centurion who took part in the crucifixion of Christ and won His robe in a gamble. This young Roman is intrigued by the dignity Jesus displayed at his trial and horrific death. A year later this young Roman returns to the Holy Land to find out more about this Jesus, coming in close contact with Christ's earliest followers. As he learns more about Jesus, he is most moved by how followers' daily lives are touched and influenced by living a higher standard.
Despite being sensitive to these examples, I really struggled this week to show my love to my family! Strangers and friends, no problem! My cute little family? I am so sad to say I exemplified Impatience. Frustration. Selfishness. Satan worked on me hard! Perhaps because I was more aware of my failings and what I hoped to share with my class.
I believe Friday morning was the low point. McKay and Morgan began waking up real early this week and 5am Friday came early. My kids are cold cereal and milk eaters. I discovered we were out of milk and sadly, in my weariness, I let it go downhill from there. McKay wakes up chatty, I do not. Morgan wakes up hungry and bossy, not my cup of tea either. I began making blueberry pancakes because I figured I had time and they all seemed cool with that plan. But McKay wouldn't eat, said it was too hot, even a half hour later. Easton ate half of one and said he was full. Morgan decided to soak hers with her water cup and then dump the whole mess on her head. The rest of hers fell on the floor and the blueberries began staining the wood floor.
I was driving Ryan into work that day so I had to have everyone out the door by 7:20 dressed and ready. After being dressed and minutes before it was time to go, Morgan found a toothbrush and tube of paste and began eating and smearing it on her shirt. There was more to the morning, but those were the highlights and by the time we left everyone tried to steer clear of me. Ryan was kind enough to not call me on it in the moment although we both knew he easily could have.
His lesson preparations were covering covenant marriage. His attitude and actions were a lot more in line with his topic than mine were, that's for sure! I'll admit I was a tad afraid to even glance at my topic for this week! Will I plan and study all week or do it last minute so I'm not given "opportunities to grow" through the week? Hmm, I'll have to get back to you on that one!