Fruits and Veggies

Here's something that's had me chuckling every time I think of it. On Sunday afternoon, the kids wanted a movie and the parentals really wanted naps.

Ryan: You guys want Fruit of the Looms, right?


Me: Ya mean Veggie Tales?


Boys: What's Fruit of the Looms? I want to see it!

Recent goings on that have shaved years off my life:

• Morgan refusing with glee to not come when called for in stores, for diaper changes, to be dressed, to have her hair done, teeth brushed, to get in the van . . . terrible twos are here! Boys were so much easier - mine don't care what they wear and often don't need their hair done!
• Easton's school is worth it but the commute can be a bear, especially the 30 minutes there in the morning. The silver lining has been audio books like Roald Dahl's "The BFG" and Scripture Scouts, but the two hour commitment each day of driving, finding parking, unloading kids and walking in, chit chatting with other moms while corralling my kids, and driving back home is a lot for this girl who hadn't had a car for most of the past three years! It's a real shock to the system but will be better when the school moves closer and into their new building during Christmas break.
• The van's automatic sliding door has decided it likes to play Morgan's game and not always close on request. Sometimes over 10 attempts later it's still faking me out. Oh yes, and Ryan's got the only remote so my immediate presence is required. Morgan thinks this is a hilarious game and laughs it up, sometimes stretching her arm out to help the door sensor kick in. I'm sure it was a fun show for the old guys enjoying their coffee and croissants at OBI (a German version of Home Depot) this morning. That one was over 20 attempts with my two yr. old playing in a parking lot. Frazzled nerves by 9am is not a good start to a Monday. {Post edit: We finally put the van remote on my key ring this morning. It wasn't a power struggle, just something I'd forget to do each day until wishing I had it on the go.}
• The bewitching hours between 4-6 when dinner, children and my patience collide.
• Coat shopping for Morgan - she refuses to wear coats because she's so little she can't move in all that fluff.
• Snow boot shopping with all three children at 4pm. Bewitching hours in full swing. One foot measurer. Three kids. Two special kid chairs for trying on shoes. Three kids. Hair raising shrieking and foot stomping tantrums common. Special kid chairs make a great loud hollow noise when kicked. Happy and tantrum throwing feet find this very amusing during check out time. No future trips back planned. Ever again.
• Talking Easton out of wearing the Mr. Incredible costume he loves because it's made for a 4 yr old, not an almost 7 yr old. It's not a pretty sight! Hurray for a cool, cheap skeleton costume saving the day!
• Finding out we are eligible for a local tax exemption on our utilities that we just paid in August. Tax was between 28-32% of the $2,000 or so we paid. Overview: Here we pay a lump sum each month and the account is settled once a year. Americans routinely use more than our European counterparts so settlement is never pretty. Applying for that tax break just sounds like the funnest thing ever, doesn't it? Gathering papers, filling out forms, appointments, working with a gov't office, communicating with utility companies where English is not their first language . . . I just can't wait! It'd be hard enough in the States. Bring it.
• Doing catch-up homework with Easton. He doesn't mind a little homework, it's like a status symbol around here. Now McKay declares he has homework too and practices tracing and writing his name while Easton does homework. That part is really cute. However, when we recently went out of town, Easton had to catch up on some work missed. Three one-sided worksheets took an hour and a half one evening. He'd get the giggles and be in play mode each evening while it took every ounce of self-control I possessed to grin and bear it with the voice of a loving Snow White princess. I think Ryan heard me swear off traveling ever again many times last week if it involved Easton missing school.
• Laundry. Soccer practice on fields where each kick of the ball sprays mud in every direction is my favorite. Scrubbing that mud out of 4 peoples' coats, clothing and shoes was a pure joy. I hope to repeat it this week and next. November 6 can't come soon enough!
• But you thought I loved coaching? I do really enjoy it, but there's a season for all things. I'm feeling it's time for me to be my kids' cheerleader and not have a whistle on my lips, a needy baby on my hip, a 4 yr old crying on my leg, while my free arm is waving down my 6 yr old who's raiding the bag for any scrap of snacks instead of participating in his practice that I'm trying to orchestrate for his 11 teammates. Half way through most practices, my boys are off on another field playing because soccer practice doesn't hold a candle to wide open space, a brother who's your best friend, and a pre-occupied mom.

On the other hand, Ryan has discovered he really loves being the coach and he's made for it! We held practice too early to be a good mix for his new contract so sometimes he can't make it. But the kids love him! Parents and other coaches express appreciation for how he handles tough situations. He may coach next spring and I'd happily be his admin and cheerleader but not co-coach.

So as you can see, life keeps rolling right along for us. There have been plenty of sweet moments too. The kids all pounce on Ryan the moment he gets home from work. Reminds me so much of the rough housing us kids did with my dad growing up! In the past week, Morgan has once again taken to wanting to snuggle/play with her momma for a while in the evenings. Her favorite is if I'm laying in my bed, she wants to lay right next to my face to be tickled, smooched, sung to or whatever. I've been trying to keep sneaky colds at bay for a few weeks now, so there's been more snuggle time available around here lately. Morgan's language is really exploding lately which is a lot of fun!

McKay has taken advantage of my down time too. On Saturday, I was laying on my bed browsing online while he sat right next to me singing the Peanut Butter Jelly song right in my ear as his tunes played. Have you ever tried to read while a 4 year old tries to sing all the words to a clever little ditty, completely tickling your ear? He had me in a fit of giggling tears! Then Morgan joined in on my other ear trying to sing too. For the record, McKay's favorite song is Gwen Stefani's "The Sweet Escape." He requests it anytime we get in the car, arrive home, or otherwise. Loves the "Wooo-Hooos", he does!

We had Easton's first parent/teacher/child conference at his new school. Having that makeup work was actually good to watch how he works on things and where he is. Then at the conference, it was fantastic to hear how well he's doing! His teacher had the children fill out a rubric matrix sheet showing where they felt their performance, interest, and understanding level was for reading, math, writing and specials (drama, choir, music, and P.E.). Easton had filled that out and then we discussed it, often with his teacher talking him into moving his assessment over to the "excellent" column which he was more than pleased to do. His writing and asking for clarification on work assigned by his German teacher were the things he could improve on but even those were good. She said he is a good example to his peers, respectful, engaged and well liked by everyone. I'm happy to see him gaining more confidence and being more chatty, asking tons more questions. I'm glad we tried this school even if today I had serious withdrawals from the simplicity my life had last year with the school bus.

Always a mixed bag!

Wolfgangsee Lake, Austria

This is a beautiful vacation spot! Hallelujah! I've been craving a vacation rather than a trip and we sure lived up our day spent here.

I'm sure you've gathered by now that to live in Europe, it'd be a shame not to be destination travelers, especially since we have no idea how long we'll live here. Ryan is truly a "destination traveler" at heart whereas I've discovered I'm a "vacation" type, content to sit somewhere with a good book and a view and be happy for days on end. It's kinda like discovering the differences between how you and your spouse envision the perfect weekend. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the destination traveling and we've been very blessed to see so many places since we've moved to Germany.

And now we've added the Austrian lake country known as Salzkammergut. We enjoyed perfect sunny weather in the 70s and the lake was just 200 meters from our door!

Having been off a normal schedule for a few weeks with the Normandy trip, Vacation Bible School and running catchup errands - Morgan was in complete meltdown mode by 9am and needed a nap. I gladly stayed behind for uninterrupted quiet time while the boys went down to the lake before the crowds hit, enjoyed a family of ducks and at some point got a little motor boat ride.

After lunch I took the kids back to the lake while Ryan napped away his sun headache. The boys really could have used a nap too, but I thought the lake would be fun. After a rocky start, we had a pretty good time. This was a clothed beach, thank goodness, but changing in public seems to be the norm with no qualms about covering up for many. Aren't ya glad I'd left my camera in my bag on the stroller?

When we arrived at the lake's beach, Easton walked to the end of the dock saying he'd jump into what would be chest high water for him. He surveyed the scene and decided the beach entry was more his cup of tea so in he and McKay went. A couple times in the next few hours he'd head down to play on the steps on either side of the dock, watching other kids jumping in. Then one time he headed down there, he actually jumped in! He'd jumped a couple times before I saw him do it. I was so proud of him getting up the nerve!

Lake shores were new to Morgan. She likes the water, just not the little waves lapping against the shore. McKay wants to love being in the water as much as Easton but ends up hovering around me once he's gotten enough. Easton could live by the water! He not a fish when it comes to swimming, but he's gaining confidence and just makes up his own games as he goes. A man gave the kids a tennis ball at one point and the kids took turns throwing it in and Easton fetching. Soon Easton was the only one left playing the game but he'd come ashore each time, throw it out and go fetch it. Cute kid!

It was time to go when Morgan began melting down. And that's when the swans appeared.

Oh glorious snack time!

A cutie harassing her resting parentals with a beautiful example behind her of the painted woodworking that decorated everything in the apartment.

A home cooked not-so-fancy dinner of mac'n'cheese in this traditional corner booth. I see these corner table boothes in stores still and I don't know what to call them. Anyone know? I always think of them as breakfast nooks, but we ate all our meals here even though there was another dining room. I'm all about easy!

After dinner I took the kids outside. The boys desperately wanted to jump on the trampoline but had been asked not to so we walked a little. A duck walked into the yard and right as the boys saw it, the thing's bladder let loose giving Easton an incurable case of giggles. We followed the duck for a bit and then a cat with Morgan leading the way until the boys gave up and went inside. Girls can be so boring I guess. :) Besides, maybe Dad would play "Plants vs. Zombies" if they asked!

Morgan and I walked back down to the lake for some quiet time. This is my favorite time of day, when the evening begins in earnest. One swan swam right up to us and put on a show.

I wish I had Morgan on video so you could hear her non-stop squawking! She is such an animal lover!

It was so peaceful there. All I needed was a nice reclining lawn chair and a book and it would have been perfect! But we needed to head home, Morgan was done humoring me.

The adorable house and garden were across the street from our house. The house we stayed in was under a complete renovation with only the top floor apartment where we stayed complete. Our house wasn't so pretty yet from the outside, but we liked our views of surrounding houses and the mountains all about!

Following a renewed effort at evening family scripture time and while waiting for our cookies to bake, these two snuggled up to me. This is one of my favorite things about being a mom! After all the ups and downs in a day, they still want to be near me! PHEW! And I absolutely love how McKay contorts himself when sleepy and sucking his thumb. Optimal skin contact seems to be the name of the game! Easton is snuggling up to his daddy and probably talking silliness as they do so well together.

And that concludes a bonifide day of vacation for the Carter family! I can hope and dream for more now.

Ode to the Laundromat

I may have done this before but, Oh how I love thee, let me count the ways . . .

1. I love having all my laundry clean and folded in three hours time.

2. I love leaving the house by myself, driving by myself, and accomplishing a task from start to finish without interruption. On the occasions when I've had a serious lapse in judgement and thought I'd do it with the kids in tow, my sanity was always compromised. There was that one recent trip that had us out on the lawn learning to blow bubbles with bubblegum followed by playing in the big empty gym across the street. It ended in tears and screaming from a wee little tired gal with serious pipes. That was one of my A-game days for sure. Today, however, I was still a bit fragile so I went alone. [Fragile meaning I had a very busy week after a series of busy weeks that finally overwhelmed me and I cried "UNCLE" last night. Then Ryan saved me from myself as he's so apt to do and I love him for it!!!]

3. I love not knowing whether my trip to the laundromat will become a chance to read my book in humming solitude or a chat with complete strangers sort of evening. Doing laundry on post draws in all types of folks, but I must admit I enjoy this group much more than what I'd find in the States. You've got short-term contractors or military folk, new people to the area, regulars now and then, and the sporatic ones like myself. I've learned about local schools, places to visit, restaurants, helped a family choose a day trip and plan their route, and lots of different hobbies. Remember how when I first moved here and ladies would volunteer to hold newborn Morgan so I could fold clothes? Laundromats will forever hold a dear place in my heart for that reason alone. Tonight, however, was a reading night and I was glad for it.

Our washer doesn't like to do the rinse and spin cycle so much lately. We're getting a replacement soon but for the past few weeks I have been heading to the laundromat once or twice a week and have joked with many about it's triple threat fabulosity. One friend and I even thought of conspiring to go together. It almost felt like we were sneaking out like teenagers, not that our husbands would have minded us getting together. Ahhh, this is what my life has come to -- the rush of fleeing the house, taking my chores with me and paying money to do so! It probably wouldn't have worked because we'd have filled the entire place between all our loads. Ya don't want to upset the locals by taking all the machines, they're quite vocal when miffed.

Our Roots Matter

How important are our family roots and what do we know about them?

A few months ago, an old friend who loves researching her family tree blogged about new program on NBC called "Who Do You Think You Are?" Each episode follows a celebrity like Sarah Jessica Parker and Spike Lee as they trace their family roots with genealogists and found amazing things. I was sad it wasn't available online at the time and was thrilled when I thought a new show being shown tonight on AFN (American Forces Network) was it, only to find out it wasn't - but I love this one we've got!

It's a newer PBS program called "Faces of America." Here's the blurb:

What made America? What makes us? These two questions are at the heart of the new PBS series Faces of America with Henry Louis Gates, Jr. The Harvard scholar turns to the latest tools of genealogy and genetics to explore the family histories of 12 renowned Americans — professor and poet Elizabeth Alexander, chef Mario Batali, comedian Stephen Colbert, novelist Louise Erdrich, journalist Malcolm Gladwell, actress Eva Longoria, musician Yo-Yo Ma, director Mike Nichols, Her MajestyQueen Noor, television host/heart surgeon Dr. Mehmet Oz, actress Meryl Streep, and figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi.

What fun television!

Of course, it got me thinking of my own and Ryan's roots, but I've been reading Queen Noor of Jordan's autobiography and really enjoying it. I checked out some of the clips of her "Faces of America" interview online just now to get a better read on her because I am loving her book.

Her "Leap of Faith" book is fascinating! It has opened my eyes to Jordan's history which I've never really isolated from my study of the region, and the dynamics at work for the past century. It's a great read because it's told by an American who also deeply, proudly claims her Arab heritage as well. Queen Noor was born and raised in the US but in a chance meeting through her father, met and a few years later married a recently widowed King Hussein of Jordan in the early 197os. I thought I had a reasonable handle on the Arab perspectives, but this took it to a whole new level. And with US involvement in the region likely to continue forever, I think it's imperative to understand their viewpoints too.

Just a glimpse into Queen Noor's world: Imagine what it must be like to live in and help oversee Jordan where floods of refugees inundate your developing country with each crisis in the often volatile Middle East for the past 80 years or so. I mean really, there's a crisis annually of great proportion in that region! Now imagine the strain on scarce national resources for food, education, and healthcare to help those refugees who have no hope of returning home any time soon. Couple that with the fact your own fragile trade and commerce is being shocked or devastated by upheavals across your borders - Israel, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Syria . . . Oh yeah, more than one of your neighboring countries amasses troops on your border now and then. You've got the quagmire of regional and big money Western relations all with their own agendas to desperately placate and work with to find solutions.

Let's not forget that your biggest refugee population that has overwhelmed your social infrastructure, the Palestinians, has some dark elements within who make assassination attempts on you and your family and plot to overthrow your government while you're working on their behalf with other world leaders to find a two state solution with Israel . . . Oh there's just so many interesting, amazing and difficult layers to Jordan's place in the Middle East! Reading this book sure has put the outcry in the US over immigration and security issues into a whole new perspective for me among other hot topics!

Now imagine if it was your husband trying to hold it all together in a delicate balance and you're newly married to him, starting and raising a family with lots of older step children to blend into the family dynamic, and you yourself are adjusting to a new language and culture that is now your own. Do you wear your tiara every day or not and how is it perceived at home and abroad?! Sheesh!

I'm glossing over so much here, but this area of the world is just not understood by most of us. The plight of the Palestinians has been on my mind with all the news over the Turkish aid flotilla incident. See, I'm so steeped in the nuances of the region that I couldn't even decide if I should write "incident" or "massacre" or what because it's so political. Have you seen a refugee camp before? I have seen a Palestinian one in person and read of refugee camps in other war torn countries. What if you felt compelled to live in squalor with little or no chance of opportunities for a better life in order to lay claim to the land of your family's roots, your very culture and identity? Would you be willing to die for it? Would you be willing to sacrifice your family's future for it? And that's just some Palestinian's side of it, Israelis have their own compelling reasons for being there for their own roots.

Until you walk in their shoes there, you can't say and I still don't feel I can. I met some truly wonderful, peace-loving people there and it made me wonder at my great fortune to be born when and where I was. Our roots matter and I'm grateful for my understanding of God's eternal plan for families to be connected beyond this life. We're all God's children, we have that greatest of all common roots.

Stockholm II

Aren't lazy mornings great?! We took advantage of ours Saturday and still caught everything we wanted to that day. It did require a bit of extra exertion but with the nice weather it wasn't so bad.

What I mean to say is that we sprinted to a few sites. Since the marathon was later that day, one guy we came across joked to me as I ran by that the course wasn't in this area. When we arrived at the first stop of the day, Ryan commented, "I haven't seen you run like that in a long time! We should plan a 2-3 day backpacking trip in the Alps!"

I said, "Wha?! . . . What are you saying [not knowing whether to laugh, cry, or bemoan my lack of discipline and loss of athleticism in recent years] . . . and How does my running equate to a backpacking trip?!!" He was very careful to not say much other than grin at me on this subject. I'm just a bit sensitive right now on that subject.

Our first sprint was to catch the 11:30 guided English tour at Stockholm's Town Hall, the Stadshuset. This is where the Nobel Prize banquet is held each December, in the big room pictured below. Overhauled in the 1920s after the job was bid out as a contest, the building looks old and new at the same time and is a mix of many different types of architecture and decor. Do you see the raised relief of this brick work? I really liked this!

Up in the council room, the exposed roof beams are really beautiful. The architect loved the look and decided to have the beams and interior ceiling painted to look like it was ancient and planned that way.

Rick Steves says the exposed beam roof is meant to hearken back to when the vikings held their councils under an upside-down boat, but the docent said recent historians reject that as the reason. The docent rolled her eyes at us when we asked this. So Rick doesn't know it all, he's fallible. What?! After trying to plan trips without his guides' helps for a year though, I'm not giving up on them anytime soon.

We barely missed the noon boat to Drottningham Palace so we ventured, or more accurately RAN over to Gamla stan, the historic heart of Stockholm to pass the time before the next boat. The picture below is as we entered the island and our view up the street toward the clock tower of Storkyrkan, the oldest church in Gamla stan.

The changing of the guard happens every day at noon with a rousing marching band parade - hence our sprint to catch the show! Loved the helmets!!! All the guards looked so young!

Next we stopped inside Storkyrkan next door, remember that clock tower? The cathedral is mentioned as early as 1279 and was Catholic until it became Lutheran in 1527. The princess will be married in that church in two weeks. It's just a block from the Royal Palace.

Sorry, I'm always succeptable to distractions by chocolate and these official "wedding chocolates" are funny to me. But back to inside Storkyrkan -- we were surprised to see this dramatic huge wood statue depicting Saint George and the Dragon from 1481 to commemorate a famous battle.

Reading a little bit about the story this depicts could have turned into a day's diversion but sufficed to say, it is very interesting to see the transfusion of cultures and their mythology throughout our travels. This story of Saint George and the Dragon is very similar to some Roman, Greek and other mythological stories predating Christianity. I'd sure love to take a class or at least get a great reading list on cross-cultural mythology since I know relatively nothing on the subject!

Next we were on the boat to see Drottningham Palace, where the royal family lives. I love being on the water! The water must have been pretty cold but that didn't seem to stop lots of people from enjoying the little swimming areas, kayaking, boating, or just sunbathing on rock outcroppings with picnics.

After fifty minutes and feeling permanently goosebumped, we reached our destination - the palace, a very pretty mix of many classical Baroque and Roccoco styles.

There were beautiful grounds that we would have stayed to enjoy but we were getting hungry and the food festival was calling us back. We obeyed our hunger!

At the food festival, we chowed down on the Barilla bolognese, a horribly overcooked beef shish kebob, and some tasty pork and beef tenderloin cooked on a BBQ grill with different dipping sauces. For dessert, we tried the chocolate strawberry crepes while wondering why Europeans have such an affinity for the song "Are we Human" by the Killers?! A live band that was quite good dove into the song and locals loved it. I don't think I'd ever heard the song before moving here but it's played constantly in Europe. Go figure.

After we enjoyed the live entertainment and tasty food and treats, we rolled ourselves over to another movie theater . . . because we could! We would have taken a boat ride but Ryan was still a bit chilled from the previous ride.

We saw Ghost Writer with Ewan McGregor and Pierce Brosnan. It's rated PG-13 but that rating was given much too generously. While we both liked the film alright, I won't recommend it because of the brief-but-too-often-dropped swear word and the "brief nudity/sexuality" scene. Times have changed and ratings sure do get more permissive with time in the quest after the all-mighty dollar. Grrrr! It really aggravates me that by lowering the rating to PG-13, movie makers make their product much more accessible to a younger, more impressionable audience to increase their revenue. ARGH. How 'bout just dropping the unnecessary vulgarities?! It'd be so much easier than having to lobby for the lower rating, in my humble opinion and quite limited knowledge of that industry.

Stepping off my soapbox now. On our evening walks back to our hotel, we always crossed in front of this beautiful building.

It reminds me of a similar building in NYC on Broadway, but this one seems prettier, more castle-esque. And this concludes part II of our Stockholm adventure. Are ya up for part III? A bit more colorful Nordic history and culture?

Browsing

I finished my books on Thursday and was overdue for a trip to the library. It's been hounding me for a week and a half but there just weren't any good chances to squeeze in a trip even though I'd reserved things and just had to pick them up. I hate finishing a book without something to start up immediately. However, I couldn't chance trying to manage all the kids at my most vulnerable time of day - 4pm. It's my worn out, running thin on patience with plaguing thoughts of feeding dinner to a hungry, fussy, messy, picky crowd time of day. Ryan was really good these past two weeks as he posed the options of kid-friendly eateries when my mounting dread had built up. Bless him!!!

This afternoon I broke free and ran over to the library all by myself. I honestly can't remember the last time I was able to go unaccompanied by minors! Oh I was so happy!!! I can't remember feeling so happy to be in a library before! I grabbed my reserved items and started browsing shelves, beginning with the audio books. Browsing! Me! Alone! Ahhh, it was awesome!

At one point I had an armful of books I'd collected and was able to sit on a couch, spread them before me and even compare editions of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer to read to the boys. I was in hog heaven! (That's really an odd saying to type!? I'm a big fat pig rolling in cool mud or with a fresh tray of slop to eat? I think I'll choose a new phrase next time!)

The reason I love and prefer libraries to book stores where I want to buy all those shiny, pretty books is there's no commitment. For the non-committal shopper I am, in libraries there's no buyer's remorse if I don't end up liking a book or never get to actually reading it. It won't glare at me from a space on my shelves gathering dust. Before we moved here, we seriously purged our book stash and until we're real settled or have a ton of pretty book case space, I plan to keep it that way.

Ryan and I are complete opposites here. He loves to buy books, to be the first to crack them open, bend that spine and inhale long and deeply - especially if it's hard bound or old leather. He likes buying. Commitment, it makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside I think. In fact, that reminds me of when we were dating and were at the point of deciding if we'd be exclusive. I was the first to ask the question, he was the first to state it was what he wanted. I remember the his car, where we were on route to my soccer game. It's one of my favorite memories from our dating and one of the things I like about him most - he's decisive about what he wants but patient enough to let me follow his lead in my own due time. I wish I had both of those qualities!

The challenge I faced today was that I'll be traveling and busy soaking up time with my parents for the next few weeks. I didn't want to check out a lot because the items would be due before I had a chance to get to most of them even if I wanted to. I don't want to haul a lot of books around on our trips or worry about battery life and would hate to be guilty of not soaking up every moment with my folks. Library due dates are mere suggestions though, right? Should I just get all these great books and heed my scarcity mentality to hoard since late fees don't exist at this library?

To solve my check-out dilemma, I made a "to read" list from my favorite finds and only got what I thought I could read during travel. I'm a list making nerd. That "to read" list has really grown this year already!

My growing reading list affects my time spent in the car. It makes me antsy. If I'm driving, I crave an audio book. If I'm a passenger, I'm itching for a book in my hand. I think it's because it's one of the rare times of a day that my children are strapped down, going nowhere and so I can sit still and absorb. Sometimes the kids get chatty with me, but usually they're being silly with each other. I feel like I've been awakened to so much classic or great literature and history that I'm in a hurry to dive in!

Anyone read The Liberation Trilogy by Rick Atkinson? Each book in the series is about a different front of WWII. The first book is about Northern Africa, #2 is about Italy, #3 is on Western Europe. I'm curious because I haven't read or seen much about the first two, only Western European fronts. I wonder if Atkinson will do the Pacific Theater next? Guess that would negate the Trilogy description touted on book jackets though.

"The Liberation" was in the section where I was looking for Ten Boom's "The Hiding Place" which I've always heard of and am anxious to finally read. I've gone through a long hiatus from Holocaust related reading after my study abroad in Israel and the DC Holocaust Museum. I haven't been ready to willingly go there for some time but I'm ready again and want to visit some camps while we live here.

With the US fighting a war on terrorism and my reads associated with different facets of that topic, we also recently re-watched "Band of Brothers." I was again struck by the episode entitled, "Why We Fight." After Easy Company's heavy losses on D-Day, Bastogne and other front line or behind enemy line assignments, the men were disheartened and angry about being at war. Then they stumble upon a concentration camp in Bavaria. War is horrible. But I am proud to be an American whose soldiers have liberated many. I wish our country was better at follow-through and nation building. But we all learn more from our mistakes than our triumphs. It is just so sad that the price is so high on all sides. Thank you to our soldiers and prayers for the ravaged people everywhere. May they both be blessed with peace in their hearts.

Lesson Prep

Ever been in a funk? A rut? Restless?

I've enjoyed a cross fit class lately but haven't updated my workout wardrobe in almost ten years. A quick browse to try on some clothes complete with full length mirror during the episode was just disheartening. It was as fun as swim suit shopping or being fitted for a bra. Disheartening, yet no real big deal to me. I can handle that type of discouragement pretty well.

However, Easton's reading log on the fridge taunted me this week as my own personal parenting barometer. We're supposed to read to Easton at least 10 minutes a day. I haven't put that time in this week. I've been in a funk.

Oddly enough, I began planning my Primary lesson last Monday focused on showing love. The purpose of the lesson was to increase our desire to show love to others by the example set by Abraham with Lot and those of Sodom and Gomorrah. I was inspired to focus on my family.

I'm also in the middle of reading "The Robe", a loooooong novel about a young Roman centurion who took part in the crucifixion of Christ and won His robe in a gamble. This young Roman is intrigued by the dignity Jesus displayed at his trial and horrific death. A year later this young Roman returns to the Holy Land to find out more about this Jesus, coming in close contact with Christ's earliest followers. As he learns more about Jesus, he is most moved by how followers' daily lives are touched and influenced by living a higher standard.

Despite being sensitive to these examples, I really struggled this week to show my love to my family! Strangers and friends, no problem! My cute little family? I am so sad to say I exemplified Impatience. Frustration. Selfishness. Satan worked on me hard! Perhaps because I was more aware of my failings and what I hoped to share with my class.

I believe Friday morning was the low point. McKay and Morgan began waking up real early this week and 5am Friday came early. My kids are cold cereal and milk eaters. I discovered we were out of milk and sadly, in my weariness, I let it go downhill from there. McKay wakes up chatty, I do not. Morgan wakes up hungry and bossy, not my cup of tea either. I began making blueberry pancakes because I figured I had time and they all seemed cool with that plan. But McKay wouldn't eat, said it was too hot, even a half hour later. Easton ate half of one and said he was full. Morgan decided to soak hers with her water cup and then dump the whole mess on her head. The rest of hers fell on the floor and the blueberries began staining the wood floor.

I was driving Ryan into work that day so I had to have everyone out the door by 7:20 dressed and ready. After being dressed and minutes before it was time to go, Morgan found a toothbrush and tube of paste and began eating and smearing it on her shirt. There was more to the morning, but those were the highlights and by the time we left everyone tried to steer clear of me. Ryan was kind enough to not call me on it in the moment although we both knew he easily could have.

His lesson preparations were covering covenant marriage. His attitude and actions were a lot more in line with his topic than mine were, that's for sure! I'll admit I was a tad afraid to even glance at my topic for this week! Will I plan and study all week or do it last minute so I'm not given "opportunities to grow" through the week? Hmm, I'll have to get back to you on that one!

For the hand that rocks the cradle

I absolutely love this William Ross Wallace poem celebrating motherhood as a having endowed power to change the world.

Sorry in advance, this is long-winded!

A friend on Facebook posted this article featuring one of my favorite BYU professors being on the Foreign Policy's annual list of top 100 global thinkers. Her personal life is amazing in its own right, but her professional life blows me away! I was all ready to go to bed til I saw this and it got the juices flowin'!

Am I a feminist? I always shy away from that word, it's got too much baggage (like a recent post I read here).

Ever think about what you'd study if given a college do-over? Hind sight is 20/20. Although Women Studies existed when I went to school, I shied away from it for the same reason "feminism" makes me squeamish. For a gal new to her love of learning, I had arrived at BYU's uber-buffet with too much to choose from and not enough time to try each dish! After dropping Elementary Ed as my major within a month of starting classes, I sampled from many tasty social science/liberal arts options but nothing ever seemed to quite satisfy my interdisciplinary cravings.

My parents never knew what to expect when they asked if I'd nailed down a major! I always felt I didn't know what my options were, that I hadn't been exposed to enough of the world or a diverse spectrum of career paths to know what would be fulfilling. I knew I ultimately wanted to be a wife and mother, but a girl's gotta have skills to help her magnify those roles as well as be able to step up in a pinch!

Sometime in my youth I remember hearing a talk at church which I've always wanted to attribute to President Kimball. In admonishing young women to pursue an education, a statistic was given to the effect that 9 out of 10 women will have to provide for themselves or their families at some point in their lifetime. [Anyone know it's source?] It has proven true for me more than once. I was single longer than I expected, worked while newly married and once kids came along so Ryan could finish his MBA, and then was able to go to work when he was unexpectedly laid off for a short period. Ya just never know what lays ahead!

During my BYU days, I followed a dream and worked myself to exhaustion to study in the Holy Land for six months at BYU Jerusalem. One of the best things I've ever done! I realized something there that shouldn't have taken a trip across the world to discover, but I'm glad I felt and saw what I did to better understand the complexity of the world.

People are the same everywhere in the world with the same core aspirations. We live such a charmed life as Americans. We enjoy freedoms and opportunities that many people around the world work tirelessly, fight courageously, and sometimes die trying to achieve. A Palestinian college student I met there spoke of having to evade Israeli soldiers to try to get to grade school because she wanted to learn so bad. People she knew weren't able to go to work because they were stopped at checkpoints. As a result they didn't have money to take care of basic necessities for their families. On the other hand, one of our favorite Israeli market areas was blown up by a suicide bomber and Jewish school children were among the killed and wounded.

People all over the world just want to live in peace with freedom and opportunity. Peace so they can reach for their dreams and see their loved ones do the same. In that war torn land, I began to see how the loss of hope in peace correlated with all the turmoil of the region. As my coaching clinic said tonight,"We live in a culture of retaliation, not negotiation."

So I'll get to the point. If I were given the chance at a BYU do-over right now, I'd be banging on the door to do student research here:

The WomanStats Project is the most comprehensive compilation of information on the status of women in the world. The Project facilitates understanding the linkage between the situation of women and the security of nation-states.

This is amazing work!!! They tackle hard stuff I spent my last semester studying. Valerie Hudson whom I mentioned above is one of the founders of the Project and taught the hardest, best class I ever took! "The International Political Economy of Women." It was not a men-bashing course. To the contrary, it showed me how divinely complimentary men and women are. Each week I headed to the library for my study materials where I had to check out a thick binder of news and research journal clippings as well as films and documentaries to direct my study. Topics included women and children in armed conflict, the politics of breastfeeding, Adam and Eve, patriarchy, son preference/sex ratio, human trafficking, discrepancies between law and practice concerning women (land rights, marriage/divorce, child custody, health care), micro-lending and sustainable development programs, does having women in leadership roles make a difference . . . oh how I loved this class! Why did I find it my LAST semester?!?

We'd come to class all fired up wanting to make sense of it all so we could march out and change the world with our idealistic enthusiasm. Then our two wonderful professors would ground us, help us see workable solutions and understand how the Restored Gospel tied in.

It made me proud to be a woman because I finally had answers to hard questions of inequities in this mortal existence. I can still be happy and proud to be a woman and mother even if I don't like to do the mundane chores associated with my season of life. In fact, it's those chores that often give me the chance to continue to learn about the world around me as I listen to books and online resources! Life is grand!

Failures to Communicate

A few examples from today:

#1 I'm 37 hours past the hardest workout of my life. It didn't feel hard at the time, just good. I think because each portion of the workout was broken up into small intervals, I overdid it in my enthusiasm to be there kid free! Apparently I need to dial down my effort level during that one hour so I can actually move freely for the rest of the demanding hours in the days following. My bod and I need to have a lil' heart to heart about our limitations!

#2 Morgan has entered that phase where she's very communicative and opinionated but we don't yet understand one another. Yes, it's a process and I've done this before but today she upped the ante and as usual, looking back it's cuter. I was occupied finishing something I was determined to finish and Morgan was not pleased. She screamed and hollered. Sometimes, she gives up after a minute or so of getting no response. Not this time. Sometimes she'll go pick on a brother out of boredom. Not this time. Today, she grabbed McKay's Buzz Lightyear and began throwing it to the floor so the bang would accompany her "In your face!" screams. I tried to ignore her. I have to give it to her, she really lasted longer than I thought.

Counter this with another realization that always hits me around this same time of development. Does she do these exhibitions for her daddy? Not that I've discovered. Ryan, feel free to comment - there's a first time for everything! ;) There's been a couple times this past week where I'll get home or wake up to find her nestled in Ryan's lap, happy as a clam. She'll look up and smile at me and I'll think, "You're so sweet!" Then she'll often hop down off his lap and start bossing me around within minutes. It's usually a demand for food, but sometimes it's just to be bossy. All three of my kids have done this and with respect to food, still do. Wish I could channel their needs into a friendlier pitch.

#3 I've met some real nice ladies in my little town here through the German kindergarten that share my native tongue. I admire their linguistic versatility as they chat fluently with the teachers and then translate for me when needed. When we run into each other at the school we chat longer than I'm sure the kindergarten teachers wish us to do while they try to get the kids gathered for circle time. I always walk away resolved to make an effort to spend some time getting to know them better. And then my life distracts me until the next chance run-in and another note-to-self.

Yesterday I emailed a couple of them to ask when we could get together soon. Sadly I rely too much on email as a quick fix so I was surprised when one of them actually called me today to set up a time. As we chatted at length, because many of us moms have the gift to gab when given the opportunity in our conversation starved daily routine, she revealed a serious struggle she's been navigating for the past five months since we really first met. It's revelations like these that have me kicking myself for not following those fleeting promptings and notes to self. I've thought of her dozens of times, thinking I should call her. Why do I wonder and wait for a "why" to get off my duff and reach out?! Today I was reminded that our stewardships to those around us are not soley extended at church through callings and visiting teaching.

#4 I was catching up on a friend's blog this afternoon [perhaps during one of Morgan's episodes], and identified. It was about how life can change in an instant and how while she may not appear to be happy and content with her life but she really is and wishes she showed it more often within her home to the ones who mean the most to her. That would be me. I am happy and content with my life right now. I love Ryan so much and wish I was better at supporting him rather than getting frustrated that he can't read my mind, selfish girl that I am. I love my kids and wish I told them more often and showed them more often throughout the day. I am suffering from a major case of self-inflicted lack of patience and humility on the home front lately. I am afraid I am sending the wrong messages to those I desperately want to choose me for eternity.

I've got some work to do.

Death of a Spice Cabinet

Last night I was telling Ryan about a recipe I want to try for Butter Chicken, an Indian dish. The recipe has you marinate chicken in a bunch of spices to which Ryan began berating our spice collection. He said he was going to pitch the majority of our spices as his personal project tomorrow. I protested relating to how not all the spices were old, probably just the old glass set which has sentimental value and then I wondered why.

Without finishing my thought, I told him my mom had given me that old set as one of my graduation presents. They were my first set, symbolic of a right of passage. Raucous laughter ensued! I graduated from BYU in 2000! HOLY COW those are some old spices!!! Ryan reiterated the shelf-life of spices and demanded liberation of the cupboard.

Just so we're clear on somethin' - I don't use those spices anymore, but I've clung to them all these years when similar threats of their demise have come knocking. A few years ago when we got a label maker, I had put labels on them in addition to having all our spices on a step ladder in the cupboard which made them so easy to see and use. I admit I was quite proud of the little project.

There's just so many unnecessary things we hang on to in different ways, for different reasons. It made me wonder what other types of internal and external "stuffs" I cling to (and why) that could be gotten rid of to simplify my life. Clothes that will never fit again, shoes that have seen better days, makeup at the bottom of the drawer, electrical cords and chargers for who knows what, anxieties over this and that uncontrollable or inconsequential thing, procrastinating important self improvements because of . . . It's got me thinking about how to add spice and savor to my life by letting go.

Ryan was true to his word this morning. He began cleaning the kitchen and pitching three quarters of our spice cabinet's contents. Then he got ready to go to the store to replace them but he had one question, "What spices should I buy?" Grrr. So there I was digging through the trash to figure out which ones really need to be replaced. I'm pretty proud of myself for only rescuing two items which shall go nameless here in order to protect the innocent. And now I shall go do my duty to fix the washing machine, my nemesis. [Ryan bore with me being a pansy last weekend so it's time to square my shoulders and tell it who's boss around here!]

Hedgehog Interrupted

Do the books you read impact your moods and sleep habits? For me, Yes.

I took the chance to finish my book this morning rather than sleep in while the kids did their own things. I had four pages left when the kids converged on my hiding place. I made promises and shooed them away. They were back with only two paragraphs to go. I shooed them away one last time, happy to be their mother and to nurture them in three minutes if they'd just let me be. And they did. Because of the book, I was actually happy to resume mothering, crushing them with hugs and kisses. Then I spent a few hours reflecting on the book's message while being subjected to all manner of interruptions. Because that is family life and I'm blessed it is mine.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery

On Wednesday, I was ready to put this book down forever. I was fed up with the characters but had heard it took a while to get into and to be patient because it was worth it. Boy could that statement apply to my life sometimes. Yours? I had even called two friends also reading it for book club to ask when it would turn around! Again, applied to my life, I have great friends I regularly use as life lines!

Luckily, I was able to pick up the audio book version at the library that day and I agree that it made all the difference! Because this book was translated from French, it was so nice to hear all the beautiful names and French words properly pronounced!

In the end, trudging through definitely was worth it! I really enjoyed Barbery's writing style with many quotable passages and some that made me laugh out loud. I literally cried at one point with Morgan practically sitting on my head sucking on her blanket patting my cheeks. I'll do whatever it takes to read in peace around here! I did get bogged down now and then with Barbery's musings on philosophy and there's some on art, literature and music too so be forewarned if that's not your cup of tea. In the end, however, I really enjoyed most of those musings because of previous exposure. I found a common thread with this book among other recent faves -- stories of personal awakenings filling their lives with overarching purpose whether or not they ascribe to any religious beliefs. Three Cups of Tea, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, The Necklace, Born to Run, and Little Dorrit.

Today, like many days I've felt like renaming the blog to something that reflected my inability to finish a thought or task because of interruptions. I appreciated the short chapters/journal entries of this book. It fit nicely into my life which is nothing if not constant interruptions.

For example . . .

For two hours today I walked in and out of the kitchen many times with the express purpose of grabbing a rag or paper towels to clean up some spilled milk on the table from McKay helping himself to breakfast. It seemed that every time I turned around, Morgan had bit off more than she could chew-literally-and is learning this week how to put things she spits out in the trash with consistent, direct kind prodding. Life is positively ridiculous sometimes at this stage with someone or something needing me at every turn. This morning I rolled with it. [This afternoon, I admit I rolled less smoothly and was a bit willful.]

And then there's how the interruptions of my profession affect my relationships. From the moment Ryan got home last night, each conversation we've attempted to have has never gotten past the first acknowledgements of starting a conversation. Frustrating, tedious, and humorous all at the same time because while sharing my thoughts or family business would have been nice, it was even more enjoyable for us both to realize and share a look that said the contented loud playing or needs of our children should take precedence in those very moments. Applying this book to my role as a mother got me thinking about how foundational I am in my kids' lives so they do not become like the walking wounded - Palombe, Renee, and numerous real people I've known in my life. Thank you, Ryan, for being my rock and personal ipod technician.

I've lately said that I feel like a pretty capable mother until I venture into public with my children. For some odd reason, there were two instances this week when I had to pat myself on the back when handling my kids' interruptions in public, being the mother I want to be.

In the grocery store. We've all had it happen to us there! It was past lunch time/nap time and McKay lost it. Threw himself on the ground and tossed his boots a yard away in front of the pastry and deli windows with a good sized crowd to see his performance. I didn't even flinch and let him scream it out while I finished what I needed to do there. I got some real glares and a couple comments even. When it was time to move on, I got down and helped him up, chatted and smoothed it over and we were on our way. He just felt he wasn't being seen or heard, ya know?

Then for the past three weeks we've enjoyed having a couple of Ryan's coworkers come over to play board games each Wednesday. I feed the kids before they come over and then start a movie for them until bedtime. This week the kids were more needy and vocal than the previous two weeks. We were learning a new game [Puerto Rico] which made the interruptions more noticeable. Both of the coworkers are married guys without children, one's wife is in Iraq and the other loves having a new "game group." The second friend has jovially made it quite clear he's never wanted to have kids which seems to be reinforced for him each time he visits our house for game night. Ha! Amid his comments and the kids acting out at bedtime, I wasn't and still am not even offended, it's not a reflection on my kids. I recognize it's his choice and I've chosen differently. It's that simple. Guess that makes me all growed up for real now!

This is my life and I love it! I have chosen it. I have a husband who loves me and we've been blessed with children. These people in my life are the greatest and hardest things I've ever done. I'm grateful for books that help me look at my life, find joy, and open me to new things! My marketability in the world's workforce may be suffering, but I know I'm in the right place at the right time doing what matters most. I just need reminders at about 1, 5 and 7pm each day when I run out of steam!

2010 can now begin. . .

I finally have a calendar for all the family business. The year may now commence with my blessing! So little selection here and the images and info online were not big enough or detailed enough to induce my purchasing in addition to having to wait. I've settled and made my peace with a random Audobon floral theme. Que sera!

Since Ryan and I share the van and my days with the van entail an ordeal of a morning and afternoon routine, I don't often advocate for the luxury of the liberty. On days I have the car, I often need to stack all my errands on top of each other, mindful that one or two kids will not get their much needed naps and regular sit down meals which I know I'll pay for with bits of sanity throughout the day. You can then probably well imagine that some days I ache to get out by myself. To run errands and actually browse what a store contains beyond the menacing list. Saturday was one of those glorious days and it was so productive I'm still on a high, even if the list was long!

IKEA finally had the item I needed in stock! Ryan agreed on same side table lamps I photographed before purchasing since I abhor making returns especially with a language barrier! One of the small malls had some good clothing sales and the PX had the items on my list! I said to myself, "Self! Great Day!" And then brought home a late lunch for Ryan as a peace offering. He had his own peace offering waiting, one of my very favorites - clean kitchen, living and dining rooms! I love this man!

I went about clearing out cluttered catch-all drawers around the house on an organizing kick. We're short on space and ways to store our precious junk in these parts, but a dear friend gave me an idea I wanted to put to work for us. It's not my favorite decorating look, but I sure do love how utilitarian it is!

A hanging shoe rack for easy access to basic art and office supplies on the back of the play room door. The kids will not know it's there for some time I'm sure since this door is rarely closed unless Morgan is in there taking a nap in the pitch black darkness. The bottom compartments are empty because it is now kid-tested, mother approved! I'm betting Morgan will soon be stuffing her favorite toy collections of the moment in them. My friend uses these hanging shoe bags in different rooms in the house for their family's extensive game collection, various bathroom toiletries, and perhaps another coming soon for all her baby daughter's darn cute items like socks, tights, bibs and what not. I'm thinking how handy one of these will be for keeping some of the oft-needed tools visible and accessible for quick fixes. The possibilities are endless! Short-term, cheap solution now employed on this premises!

And so another week begins! I vow that it won't be Thursday before I feel like it's Monday this week! Last week threw me for a loop with MLK Day, a sick day, and a recovering the house from a vacation and being sick / prepare the house for Ryan's coworkers coming over for a game night sort of day. Last week just didn't stand a chance of being real productive you see. I love new beginnings and the hope that I can do things better even if I know my efforts will be hijacked often. I had a great afternoon visiting with a friend on Friday all because I volunteered to have my day hijacked. Sometimes it's the best sort of day when your plans come to nothing!

Why was the calendar important again?

Peer Pressure

Put me in Coach! I'm ready!

McKay loves the ski goggles and can't wait for his turn on the slopes!

Not me. I had a stomach FULL of butterflies. All last week. Last year when we arrived in Germany, I had just had Morgan so I was free from making excuses of why to not join Ryan skiing. Ryan loves to ski! He grew up skiing quite a bit and worked a couple seasons on the slopes in Utah. No excuses this year. Easton even said he'd teach me how! Morgan's a year old and we had my fun, cute niece Camilla on hand to watch the two little ones in our hotel. No excuses.

I can't even recall the last time I skied, but it was in my mid-teen years I think. I have siblings who weren't even born yet, that's how long ago it was! Since I've only skied a handful of times in my life, I never quite got my legs under me but enjoyed it minus the sore aches and pains afterward. Growing up, just about every adventure with Dad required a bit of bravery. His zest for life made you not want to miss out and skiing was one of those things that I braved because of him! I love seeing my Dad proud of me for trying! Or at least being a part of his stories we tell over and over!

Since Easton was joining Ryan and I on the slopes, at least I had an excuse to stick to the bunny hills and that gave me a minor sense of peace. That is, until we got off the ski lift and I saw the degree of the slope to get to the bunny hill! HOLY COW!!! And I didn't see anyone walkin' on down it carrying all their equipment. For heaven's sakes, three year olds where gliding on down that hill with no poles, and that's no joke!

Ryan was excited to get Easton back on skis and he was the most patient and sweet man anywhere to be found. Easton had taken ski school last winter, but as we've now determined, he really only got used to being on skis and how to step into position to sail straight down the hill. No ability to turn or stop yet and he didn't really care to learn - just point him down hill and let 'er rip!

Back to being at the top of the hill leading from the main lift down to the various other areas like more lifts, the restaurants, and the beginner slopes. Getting down would be our initial ski experience. I was very terrified, uh . . . I mean concerned. After watching tons of people (decades younger than me) click into their skis and zoom off, it was our turn. Ryan had positioned Easton on skis between his own two skis to help guide Easton down. I was on my own. Thanks a lot, partner!

Easton was not too thrilled about going up the mountain in a huge lift. All the josteling at the lift (European style = no lines, no order), had him and I a bit shaken up. He thought we'd have to ski all the way down. At the top, he was near meltdown even though we kept reassuring him. I had to be brave, shakin' in my own boots, for him. Also, I didn't want Ryan to see me wimp out. Argh! Peer pressure!

Think of this area like an elongated >. We start skiing down and Easton freaks out which lands Ryan and Easton off the left bank which drops off five feet into a fence before we get to the turn. I was panicking on my own and just let myself come to a stop by drifting up the right bank before the turn. Whew! Cool, I'm alive and just about ready to call it a day! I'm exhausted! Oh darn, Easton's not happy? Do we need to go sit and drink some hot chocolate? Oh wait, we just paid and arm and a leg for our gear and lift tickets. We. Must. Have. Fun. Buck up, lil campers, we're in for a bumpy ride!

Ryan is mortified. He's a skier. Falling off the edge of the trail to the slopes doesn't happen to skiers apparently.

We finally get to the bunny hill and they've got this great little motorized ramp! We're gettin' lots of milage on this baby today! And it's so much easier than those rope tows once you get your balance.

The first handful of times down, Ryan takes Easton. They're having a good time! But I know Easton can do it on his own. He's brave enough, I know it!

Since I'm such a great observer, and less a doer, I note to Ryan that I think Easton would do better not holding on to Ryan because it'll make him be brave and not lean on dad.

Scarecrow coming through! Timid at first, smiling by the end each time!

View of our bunny hill and the tubed motorized ramp. Those hoops have bells on them for the kiddies to ring as they adeptly glide on through.

I take a long pause each time at the top (after almost falling over getting off the ramp and chuckling to myself at what the operator must think). I gotta psyche myself up for each run. I can do this. I'm a big girl. Oh wait, that's why I'm worried. More parts to ache and bruise! Wait! Be brave. Ryan and Easton and other three year olds and little Asian ski school 6 year olds bobbing through the hoops, ringing bells are watching! I go down. I'm gingerly turning right and left then gradually coming to a stop at the bottom with my trusty "pizza slice" snow plow move. Phew!

After conquering the bunny hill I'm ready for a new challenge. Getting over to the next hill is the challenge. This was taken at the bottom of the bunny hill and we had to get ourselves over to the other tow you may be able to distinguish in this picture.

Catching the rope tow just about yanks my arm out of its socket! Then baby steps up to the next rope tow around the corner to the left and a more formidable beginner slope. I rode all the way to the top of it wondering what in world possessed me to think this was a good idea?! What am I trying to prove?! I get off at the top and Ryan's all excited for me. I'm now muttering to myself, trying not to hyperventilate. I can't even distinguish Easton at the bottom waiting, he's that far down and I have SKI there?!

Ryan asks if I want to follow him. No way, man! Then I'll probably freak out thinking I'll crash into you! Better just bite the bullet and do it myself so I start off and am doing okay until the second turn. YIKES! I panic in a half attempt to turn and don't commit enough. I fall. I slide myself down to a friendlier angle to get back up. Ryan can tell I'm a bit stuck so he comes on up to the rescue. He tells me he'd been so impressed I went all the way to the top and not gotten off at the half-way "exit". Are you crazy?! I didn't realize there were options! There was a half-way point up the rope pull with a gentler slope down. Oh well! Skiing down the gentler half went off with much more grace.

After a few runs down this bigger hill (the friendlier bottom half, mind you) Easton didn't want to try this one so we ended up heading back down to the initial run for the rest of the half day after some refreshment: apfel strudel with vanilla cream sauce and a big 14 inch long, fat bratwurst covered in BBQ sauce dusted with curry powder plus fries. So local!

In the end, I was proud of myself for trying and am even open to doing it again. I could have done more, but was also so close to chickening out so many times. I was so exhausted from all the internal pep talks! I'm in this personal spot right now where I'm realizing how much I let fear enter into the details of my life and keep me from moving forward. This challenge solidified some things for me.

I am beyond proud of my husband and his mad skills skiing backwards while helping Easton! I always love seeing Ryan doing something he loves which is the biggest reason I agreed to do this in the first place. And again, the highest applause to his patience with his two beginners! I can only imagine how boring that bunny hill must have been to him! He totally rocks my world! And so do fearless three year old skiers all decked out in their cute gear!