Recent Reads

I ordered a bunch of books a few weeks ago and it was like Christmas when they started arriving! They were all books I'd had on my reading list for quite some time and the library on base didn't have them.

The first one I cracked open was the children's book "Mirror" that I just wrote about. The kids really enjoyed it!

I now own the kindle, audio, and hard copy of "The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life." I love it that much. Highlighting our understanding of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, I love the short and concise literary examples of conflicting explanations for the timeless conundrums of where we come from, why are we here, and where are we going. It's easy to pick up and put down, but start in chapter 3.

A friend is the fabulous instructor for our ward's "Teaching the Gospel" course the 2nd hour. As one of her visual aids, she had Beverly Campbell's book, "Eve and the Choice Made in Eden" as a visual aid. I'd heard of this book and asked to borrow it. I'm not very far into it but wanted to see how it fared to the Givens' description of our understanding of Eve and the Fall.

But the book I couldn't put down this weekend was Carol Lynn Pearson's "Goodbye, I Love you." I knew her name because she wrote the lyrics to the LDS musical I grew up listening to on a record, "My Turn On Earth." It has my favorite lullaby ever. I'd never known her story at all until recently listening to her tell it on a very long podcast.

The back cover summary of the book says:

Gerald Pearson had been honest with Carol Lynn about his homosexual past, but both of them had faith that marriage and devotion to their religion would change his orientation. Love would conquer all. Then, after eight years of apparent happiness and the birth of four children, Gerald was no longer able to deny what he considered to be his essential self. Carol Lynn was shattered, her self-esteem all but destroyed. Their divorce, however, could not erase a lifetime of love and mutual support. Carol Lynn courageously stood by her former husband's side. Even when he contracted AIDS -- and came home to die.

Carol Lynn is/was a much sought after speaker for LDS events. The Pearsons were married in 1966 and this book was published in 1986, a few years after Gerald passed away. Carol Lynn came to notoriety in Utah and across the LDS US with a book of her poems Gerald self-published because he believed in them so much. They sold like wild fire, and poetry books don't typically do that. Ever. She really is gifted with words, the book flows effortlessly and it's a pretty quick read.

I really loved how honest she was about her pain as everything unfolded and her journey coming to understand and love Gerald despite how his choices hurt her to the core. I really appreciated how she articulated her struggle to understand the place of women in the LDS church and elevate understanding. I've had many of the same questions she sought answers to. Because of the heartaches she suffered, she became more empathetic and aware that there must be many walking wounded around her who also bore their silent sorrows alone. I can attest to this from my own experience although my trials have been  different. All the while, she has clung to her faith in the gospel and remained active in the Church. I was moved to tears as she shared how her ward family came to her aid in Gerald's final days like we Mormons strive to do.

With all the current publicity of civil rights for the LGBT community and same sex marriage initiatives in recent years, this book is a great introduction for Mormons and others of faith to understand a little of  the agony someone experiences when they come to realize that their gender and/or orientation don't fit the mold. This is obviously more on what she and other loved ones go through as well. My heart breaks for those who realize that their hopes for the future, those that their culture and their faith prepare them for is not happening for them for whatever reason. I can only attempt to fathom what that must be like, but I am trying to tap in with empathy, sensitivity, and compassion to their stories. And this doesn't just apply to gay people, there are so many whose life circumstances aren't panning out as they envisioned.

When these issues were first brought to my attention over ten years ago through loved ones and public policies of the day, I based my most of judgements on a lot of fear and not enough empathy or desire to be empathetic. While I still don't know what the best solutions are when it comes to various public and church policies, I do believe everyone deserves to be treated as a child of God, welcomed in our circles with love and respect. I think and hope civility and empathy in the discourse from all sides is improving but still has a long, long way to go.

Carol Lynn Pearson when asked why she's taken up this cause rather than continuing her focus on the status of women has simply replied that women aren't attempting and committing suicide because of their struggle, gay members have and are. If we alienate these anguished souls, we throw them to the wolves. I am grateful for the growing wealth of resources for those like me trying to sort this out. I am now starting Pearson's followup book "No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons around Our Gay Loved Ones." I don't agree or haven't decided what I think about everything Pearson hopes for the future, but I am enjoying the questions I am asking myself and the discussions Ryan and I are having as a result.

Stuttgart Stake Women's Leadership Training & Morocco!

I wake up almost every morning and try to get out of bed before everyone is awake so I can study. I got off track with this in January, but am recommitting myself to it. I've missed it and I wake up hungry to learn. This morning I wanted to watch more of the LDS Leadership Training videos for my new calling in the Primary presidency. 

These are really amazing training videos that bring the Church Handbook to life. I felt strongly that I needed to take notes on impressions I had while watching them. The Asian and Latin American women in the Primary videos were so inspiring to me as they "prepared spiritually, participated in councils, ministered to others, and taught the gospel." The Church is doing such great things to help us feel the love of God and share it with others! It's such an exciting time to be a part of the Church!

I didn't get as much study in as I'd hoped because the kids got up not long after me. And they were chatty. And they wanted to know what their chores were so they could have the rest of the day to play. This was all fine until a bowl shattered while McKay was clearing the table and cleaning it up made me late. I always forget to invite Ryan to help me with the kids so I can get out the door. He's oblivious while my frustration is mounting over silly things. I've really got to work on my communication.

Our German stake held a Stake Women's Leadership Training meeting this morning. I love being a part of training meetings, especially seeing how it is done in different areas. The first hour was brunch - rolls, cheese, meats, fruit salad, yogurts, butter, jams, juice, hot chocolate and Caro. I really liked that it gave us an hour to spend chatting because it was enough time to eat and to really talk, sort of like a mini-presidency meeting for us. Then we were invited to leave the brunch and congregate in the chapel. A few husbands of the wives who'd planned this event were there to clean it all up and it was such a great and odd thing to leave it to them.

In the chapel we sang the hymn, "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel." After the prayer, the Stake Relief Society President spoke while her counselor translated into English from the pulpit. I am so grateful they do this for us! She spoke about their concerns for people in the stake and our need to see others as the Lord sees them and serve them and with them in that manner. They are dismayed to see partners leaving, divorce is happening, youth are not staying strong in the gospel, young adults are finding it hard to find and commit to marriage. Harmony among people in the stake and wards is lacking. She hoped that by bringing us together, we can increase our love for one another and those we serve.

Then Stake President Thomas Schneider spoke to us. Sitting on the stand among the women of the Stake Relief Presidency, Stake Young Women's Presidency, and Stake Primary Presidency, he looked wholly outnumbered! I have always loved how warm and kind he has always been to me in passing or when we've met with him for temple recommend interviews and then Ryan's call to be Elders Quorum president. He told us he would speak to the German sisters first and then have a few things to say for the Americans - he's bilingual. Obviously and sadly, I don't know what he said to the Germans, but I was very touched by what he shared with us. He thanked us Americans for our examples of service and influence in the stake. He acknowledged the challenge it might be to be so far from home and in a strange land with strange people. He was especially thankful and proud of our ward's management of the Primary that was over a hundred children strong in recent years. The German women gasped when they heard him say we have 80 children! I wasn't aware that was so different from the other units in our ward until later. 

The other point he wanted to make with the Americans was to thank us for our example of loyalty to our male leaders, the priesthood brethren. He said Germans see each person as an individual first and so if one doesn't get along with that individual, it is hard for them to be loyal (or to sustain) them as a leader or priesthood leader. He chuckled, saying he thought that must be owing to our largely military background as members here. In my heart, I was glad this is something us Americans have exemplified in Germany. It is so important to a healthy ward atmosphere! President Schneider was just so very gracious to us that I was glad I was there to witness such an outpouring of validation for the efforts of the women I was sitting with. They work so hard in their callings to serve our ward and I am excited to serve with the Primary presidency in Primary -- President Emily Garlock, Sister Cami Ray (of Seattle), and Sister Tish Simmons.

We then went to the rooms that we serve in our auxiliaries. The Stake Primary presidency wanted to make our time together productive and fun rather than boring and preachy. They had five stations set up for us to make visuals for our Primaries: the visual reverence reminder jar with beans to go in and out, emoticon faces for sticks, rain sticks, a wooden dog to paint that will slurp up spaghetti (yarn) during singing time encouraging the children to sing louder, and a musical tic-tac-toe game created also for use during singing time. It was a lot of fun chatting and getting to know each other. 

A couple of the sisters from the German ward wanted to be near Emily and myself to speak English. One gal was from Utah and served her mission in Berlin where she met her husband. She was so happy to joke around with some American sisters. She said having brown sugar from a friend on the base kept her happy. You can't buy brown sugar on the economy here. Guess you could make it easy enough, but it's not the same, a simple thing missed from home. Another sister went to university in the US and is from Bavaria.

The Pfahl Stuttgart Stake here is comprised of 6 wards and 5 branches. I hadn't realized how big an area our stake covered or that some of the units were such small branches. I got to know two women newly called to the Primary presidency of the Waiblingen branch. They have just 12 primary children. Two babies in nursery, 2 CTR classes (one class for 3-5 yr olds, another class for 6-7 year olds), one Valiant class for the 8-11 year olds. In contrast, our ward has 80 children. Almost 10 in nursery (now including Jake!), 30 in Junior primary and 40 in Senior primary. Our military ward will lose 20 families this summer which is actually typical and we'll see how many new families we gain. 

I have really enjoyed being part of this serviceman's ward, even with the high turnover each year. The ward changes so much each year with the introduction of new families. We will soon get a new bishopric as ours has been serving for 5 years. That is the longest any bishopric has served here in the Stuttgart military ward because a standard military family assignment is 2-3 years here. When we lived in northern Virginia, we also had a high turnover ward because of the nature of education and work opportunities right there near the Pentagon and DC. Our primary had been very small because it was hard for families to afford living there. When we moved out to Leesburg, the first thing that I noticed was all the youth and that they had enough young men to utilize passing the sacrament AND being ushers at the door.

A serviceman's ward is different from many wards we've been in before. There are much fewer welfare needs because everyone here has a job, benefits, and is mostly packed and moved by the military. Our ward has been referred to as an international ward, but it is not. Non-German speaking members of the church that live here and are not associated with the military are encouraged to attend the German wards because if they need assistance with local social services and jobs, our ward isn't as able to provide that network and base of knowledge. Some Americans associated with the military have joined the German wards as a way to absorb more local culture and language. Sometimes I wish I was that brave and studious in studying German, there are great people in the German wards. But we are where we are and it is working for us. If we end up with an international job opportunity somewhere else, I hope I'll have learned how to take on that challenge and dive into the language. It really stinks to not be able to communicate with my German neighbors and potential friends to show that kind of respect to them.

I needed a nap after the activity and some errands I ran afterward. Ryan and McKay went off on a father-son date McKay had earned in our merit/chore system. Ryan brought home a pizza for dinner and now we're introducing the kids to "Lawrence of Arabia" in preparation for our family trip to Marrakesh, Morocco next week. McKay is enthralled, Easton has lots of questions and Morgan doesn't dare go to bed and let the boys stay up for all the fun without her. It's fun to share a new culture with them, even if it is a Hollywood introduction. 

I found a beautiful children's book called "Mirror" by Jeannie Baker. Her amazing textured panoramas and depictions of family life in two parts of the world is photographed as spreads in the book. As you flip through both sides of the book, you see a day in the life of one boy's family in Australia and another boy's family in Morocco. I love that the Moroccan part is flipped, read right to left, true to the culture it is portraying.

Marrakesh will be quite an adventure for us, different and more fascinating than anything they've ever experienced before and I hope they'll remember it forever. 

Families of Trees

I've been put in charge of our ward's cub scout Blue & Gold Banquet coming up. We're going with a medieval theme "Be Loyal to the Royal within You: Put on the Armor of God." We had the boys paint shields of faith this week. The food will be eaten with our hands - roasted chicken legs, roasted potatoes, cut up fruit and veggies with dips, rolls, and cupcakes. With their shields, the boys will sing, "As Zion's Youth in Latter Days" and we'll recognize rank advancements among them. The scout leaders are planning a Knight's Tournament. It's going to be a lot of fun I hope!

I've had a lot of fun learning more about heraldry symbols used and what colors mean. It's pretty awesome! We see a lot of it here in Europe everywhere I go. I was hoping the boys would choose to paint symbols of their faith (CTR, temples, angel Moroni blowing the trumpet), cub scouting (bears, wolves, trefoils), and their country (flags). The boys did a great job, but I think I'll have to make some for decoration to scratch an itch I've got and maybe they'll be used for decoration by my committee. This is coming from someone - me - who dreams of crafts and never does them! I have one small bucket of paper, one small bucket of craft "supplies." That's it. I always thought once I was a stay-at-home mom, I'd make time to craft and create. It's not happened yet. I've had other priorities when I worked part or full-time while we lived in Virginia and then getting assimilated here in Germany, traveling a lot and all the work that is, and just keeping up with my little people. Crafting just seemed like getting out a mess I'd have to pick up because you can't leave stuff out with little kids around. I so admire my crafty family and friends!

So back to this medieval themed Blue & Gold Banquet. In a planning meeting, we thought it would be fun to incorporate family history. Ryan led a discussion in Elders Quorum at the beginning of the year to set goals for each quarter. The first quarter had to do with family history. In coordination with that goal, we're going to have the boys submit a four generation chart at the Banquet in order to prove their lineage like knights of old did to compete in tournaments. These charts will be on the tables as families get settled and then eat.

A conversation I was having with the scout master's wife, our Relief Society president, reminded me of one of my inspirations. When I was a teenager, my dad and Papa drew a family tree. I am in love with it. It is one of my most treasured possessions. When I got married, I begged my dad to add Ryan to the tree for my wedding gift. He seemed to have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that his first daughter was getting married and growing up, flying the nest for good. But I will always be a part of his branch forever. Happily so! I am so proud of my roots. And I wanted to graft in the man I love and am creating a family with to my young branch and see how we fared. Could we produce good fruit too and weather the storms of life?

That tall middle branch is Dad's branch.

My study this morning was in preparation for Primary Sharing Time this Sunday: "The Fall was part of God's plan." [page 4] (I've got a new calling at church as the Primary first counselor. A good friend at church in congrats joked, "It only took ya four years to graduate to the front of the room!" Ha!" Anyhow, great lesson and I studied the "Preach My Gospel" manual's portion [page 50] with Chapter 3 in "The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life." Seriously, I'm totally in love with this topic and how its interpretation throughout time has contributed to a misunderstanding of Adam and Eve's choice to partake of the fruit in the Garden of Eden. Satan has truly propagated this misunderstanding of The Fall, leading to such heartache pitting men and women against each other and for some women, a view that they are somehow inferior, weak, and punished by being born female. But I love the Restored Gospel! And the theme of trees, fruit, and agency.

I am fascinated by how families portray the linked generations of their families -- quilts, fans, trees, pedigree charts and so forth. But I'm rather partial to trees. As I snapped a picture of Dad's tree for my friend on this cold sunny wintry day with a light new layer of fluffy snow outside, Dad's big Bare bare tree reminded me of a tree getting ready to bloom in spring. Last week all the snow had melted and one of my trees had little pink blossoms on it, I was so excited! My siblings and I are in the midst of adding to our branches on this great tree. My brother Ben and his dear fun wife, Elizabeth, welcomed the newest Bare to the clan last week, cute Marley! Those pink blossoms reminded me of her arrival every day. My sister Brooks and her jovial, tender husband, John, will welcome their first - lil Scott Dean very soon. My youngest sister Abby is getting married this summer. My sister Lorry and her sweet smartypants husband, David, welcomed little Davy in October. My brother Nick and his beautiful creative wife, Christine, welcomed Mikilah last spring. The Bare tree is growing taller and fuller all the time! There's so much potential in this tree filled with people I love.

Like I said, Dad and Papa's tree looks like a tree entering a promising spring. A warm day with birds soaring in the distance, bees busy buzzing around as their preparatory work means blossoms and fruit will appear in coming months. The roots reach deeply into the ground absorbing nutrients to feed the upper limbs reaching toward the sun above. I feel fed by my predecessors, feel them rooting for me and know I'm not alone in the challenges of life here for many have gone before me. The full branches on each side of my dad's tall branch provide balance and beauty to the wholeness of our tree. Clouds above pass on by, sometimes showering each limb with precipitation. Sometimes it falls gently making our colors more vibrant and fresh, but sometimes the rain falls in damaging torrential windy downpours or fluke summer hail storms. The rain falls on all and we all deal with it in our own ways but the tree is still intact and beautiful even before we're in full bloom.

I've thought a lot about that sign post now and then. Many pointers could be added these days with all of us spread out. But home will always be home because of our roots. The other trees in our community not shown in this drawing continue to strengthen the tree and welcome back those who've blown away to put down roots elsewhere. That's why I love visiting my hometown. So many, many good people there.  I revived my Christmas card tradition this past year. It's been a long time. As cards have come in return, I've loved reconnecting with friends and family all over the world. I am so happy the wind has blown me and now my little family to new places so I can continue to glean strength from strong trees in other forests. There are so many good people in and out of the church everywhere we're planted!

There is a beautiful CES devotional given last spring by Elder Marlin K. Jensen that my mind has often turned to when I glance at my family tree and wall of displayed Christmas cards in passing. Elder Jensen shares what he learned about trees from the gardener of the Sacred Grove when he presided there as mission president with his wife and family. It's entitled, "Stand in the Sacred Grove." This is a powerful talk and luckily, easy to summarize because he did it so well in his talk!

Lesson number 1: Trees always grow toward the light.
Lesson number 2: Trees require opposition to fulfill the measure of their creation.
Lesson number 3: Trees are best grown in forests, not in isolation.
Lesson number 4: Trees draw strength from the nutrients created by previous generations of trees.

1. 1. 
   When powers of darkness seek to destroy you—as they once did an inquiring young Joseph Smith, stand in the Sacred Grove and remember the pillar of light, “above the brightness of the sun” (seeJoseph Smith—History 1:15–17).
2. 2. 
   When opposition and adversity hedge up your way and hope dims, stand in the Sacred Grove and remember that “all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good” (D&C 122:7).
3. 3. 
   When loneliness and isolation are your lot and you struggle to establish fulfilling human relationships, stand in the Sacred Grove with the community of Latter-day Saints who have covenanted to help bear your burdens and comfort you in your need.
4. 4. 
   And when experiences or people or conflicting truth claims challenge your faith and create doubt concerning the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ, stand in the Sacred Grove and take strength and encouragement from the generations of faithful Latter-day Saints who have steadfastly stood there before you.