Agency, Accountability, and Education

I was asked to speak to the Young Women / Young Men joint activity Tuesday night. There were about forty youth ages 12-18 attending and their leaders. Three of us spoke for 6-8 minutes. 

Our assignment was to speak about the For The Strength of Youth’s 18 standards.   

- Why keeping standards is so important

- What you have done to keep the standards

- A personal story about keeping a specific standard, and let them ask any questions if they have any. 

My single professional friend, Jenn Johnston, spoke about her experiences with the standards Work and Self Reliance which I sadly only got to catch the end of, then me on Agency, Accountability and Education. I was followed by our Cub Scout leader, Cody Strong, who spoke about Lehi's dream and how the people in the dream progressed toward the tree of life holding to the rod of iron until a mist of darkness surrounded them. As a young marine in training in California, with a weekend pass to LA, some of his buddies planned to go to a rave party. As this Logan UT boy asked what happens at these parties since he'd never heard of them before, he didn't feel right and decided not to join them. He felt that mist of darkness, the confusion that set in as he asked about the party. He counseled the youth to stand strong and hold on to the iron rod as their own mists of darkness cloud their path. The evening ended with a timed/rewarded activity where the youth were broken into four multi-age groups and had to identify how objects on a table could represent one of the 18 values and provide a scripture reference. The winning group got a big bag of good candies and everyone shared a table of desserts while socializing.

In my preparation, I felt directed to speak especially to this quote from For the Strength of Youth:

"Education is an important part of Heavenly Father's plan to help you become more like Him. He wants you to educate your mind and to develop your skills and talents, your power to act well in your responsibilities, and your capacity to appreciate life. The education you gain will be valuable to you during mortality and in the life to come."

I studied the standards for five days, pondered them, made notes to myself, and then wrote up my remarks the night before. I was a ball of nerves before standing before them and then said a prayer that I would be guided by the Holy Ghost to say what they needed to hear. And it went very well. Here is the jist of what I shared with them.

My visual aids:

Easton & GianMarco’s grade 3 / 4 LDS Identity presentation boards

Books I’m “reading” right now in book form, audio book cd case, iPod, and iPad

"I love to learn, it’s a craving I must feed daily. I feel stagnant and frustrated if I haven’t learned or thought about something new and challenging in a day. I am an audio book and podcast junkie who likes to journal in this phase of my life so my brain gets exercised. If I am able to sit and read, I’m typically asleep in a half hour unless it’s really fascinating. I typically have the following going on all at once -- a book or three by my bed, a cd audio book in the van, and at least one book on my ipod + podcasts. I have long felt that Education - learning how to learn and seeking out of the best books or information sources – is one of the ultimate gifts we give ourselves.

When I was at a standards night like this as a young woman, the youth were admonished to pursue an education. A widely sourced statistic struck a cord with me -- 9 out of 10 women will have to provide for themselves or their families at some point in their lifetime. It has proven true for me more than once. I was single longer than I expected, I worked full time while newly married and also once kids came along so Ryan could finish his master’s degree. And then when I had a 3 yr old and a 4 month old, Ryan was unexpectedly laid off and I had to go back to work full time for seven months. That was a rough challenge for our family because it was not the roles we had envisioned for ourselves as a young family. Ya just never know what lays ahead and education helps open doors of opportunity!

I was a B+ student, athlete and pianist growing up. I’m not the smartest or most talented, but I learned if I worked hard, I could keep up with the naturally gifted, be proud of my efforts, and enjoy the challenge and material. When I was a junior in high school, I decided to take on a very challenging AP course – American History. Mr. Fleischer gave Princeton exams to us and after surviving college, I can attest that this high school history class was as hard as my hardest advanced courses at BYU. We’d had 7 books which after pouring over, still didn’t have the answers to questions we had to write about. This was before the internet! I cried over that class it was so hard and out of my comfort zone.

But do you know what kept me going? On the first day of class, when that crusty old kodger of a teacher learned I was Mormon, he said, “Why are you here?! You’ll be barefoot and pregnant by the time you’re 19!” [audible gasp from the group! ha-ha-ha!] I recall I had replied, “Maybe, Maybe not, but it will be my choice.” And because of the home environment and standards I was learning and living, I did feel it was my choice. I fell in love with learning in this class. And the teacher's statement stuck with me.

I wanted to be married and have children, but was in no rush after high school. When it came time to go to college and I had the option to marry someone, I chose to pursue my education because he wasn't the right fit for me and I knew I wanted to experience being on my own and see what college had to offer. In the summer before my junior year of high school, I'd had the opportunity to attend a prospective student conference at a college in my state. I was grouped with ten other students and came to see they did not have the same values I did, much the complete opposite! The following week I attended EFY (Especially for Youth conference) at BYU with a dear friend. I was surrounded by youth who shared my values and was tutored by spiritual giants who exemplified how learning the gospel was exciting and fulfilling. The two camp experiences back to back provided me with a clear choice of where I wanted to go to college. I know I would have been just fine at the state college and had the benefit of CES institute programs and a singles ward, but I was so excited by the prospect of going to BYU and being surrounded by people with the same values while learning about the world through a gospel lense. At BYU I worked hard, fell in love with history, humanities, and world affairs because through these studies, I saw how God’s hand and His gift of agency to us can be seen in the events and experiences of every day life.

I worked many jobs during summer breaks and held a job while going to school. I was able to pay for almost all of my own college education. I did not find Ryan until I was 25 and was seriously wondering if I would ever find someone. I am so grateful for the opportunities I had to support myself that came from taking my education seriously. Before I graduated from college, I sought out an internship/job associated with promoting our values at the UN. But I graduated without a job or internship lined up and felt deflated as I returned home to regroup and earn some money while examining my options. Then in a whirlwind, I was offered my dream internship in New York City at the United Nations with National Right to Life's lobbyist, Jeanne Head, who spearheaded efforts with others in the pro-life / pro-family caucus. And I had a week to get there. I literally showed up at the UN on the first day of the UN Conference on the Status of Women 2000. I was wholly unprepared and never before had I been hated on site for my standards and beliefs! But this was a fascinating tutelage at the feet of great lobbyists and diplomats of many faiths working together to affect change at the international level for good against skilled, well funded, and crafty opposition. 

That internship turned into a job in Washington DC helping produce, distribute, and discuss educational, legislative, political, and election related materials all over the US and internationally to support the status of women, children and families. I got to see up close how groups can affect change in keeping with our values at the international, national, state and local community levels. It was such a challenge and I worked with wonderful people of other faiths I hold as dear as family. I worked full or part time there until moving here to Germany.

Right now, here is how I feed my craving for learning as a stay-at-home mother of young children:

• ·       Bedtime / sit down reading books – “Joseph Smith: Rough Stone Rolling” by Richard Bushman; “And They Were Not Ashamed” by Laura M. Brotherson; scriptures – studying/teaching from the Doctrine & Covenants and church history this year; course manual for Teaching the Gospel class Ryan and I are attending in our ward. 
•      Audiobook in van – “The Wisdom of Forgiveness: Conversations with the Dalai Lama” by Victor Chan. Since there’s no bookmarking function on the cd player, I have to share with the kids. I listen to one disc and then the kids get to pick a disc from among the classic youth literature or Focus on the Family’s “Adventures in Odyssey” program cds I find at the library or reserve online for pickup, good ol’ Scripture Scouts, or fun song cds.
•      iPod / iPad – “The God Who Weeps” by Terryl & Fiona Givens; “Les Miserables” by Victor Hugo; and “George Washington: A Life” by Ron Chernow. I either strap this to my arm while buzzing around the house or put it in my kitchen’s speaker cradle while doing dishes or preparing food.
•      Podcasts – Mormon Channel’s Past Impressions, Conversations, Teaching The Gospel, CES firesides, General Conference; F.A.I.R (The Foundation for Apologetic Information & Research – fairlds.org), Mormon Stories, and Mormon Matters.
•     I attend church each week with the desire to learn and feel the Holy Ghost bear witness to me of truths that will enrich my life and to renew my covenants with God by taking the sacrament. 
•      A handful of women's blogs that I find enlightening and edifying.     

No wonder my house is never entirely ship-shape, right?! But the past six months have given me many opportunities to share what I learn from all these sources, my faith in God and His Plan of Happiness. Back in October, I was able to coordinate and do a class presentation with my son Easton and an Italian LDS family about our LDS identity. I’ve also been open and able to sharing our beliefs and standards with a handful of different friends in conversations, by email, on facebook, and through my blog. I’ve even had the courage to invite some friends to church and four have joined our family at Sacrament meeting and the other two hour blocks. I was so proud of you youth in our ward for the Primary program, the talks given in Sacrament meeting, and the honorable way the sacrament was passed by the young men. These opportunities to share our beliefs, standards and practices are not my normal MO but came about because I love to share what I am learning about! My recreational “reading” and study of the gospel has reinforced for me why the standards I live by mean so much to me.

Living the standards I learned as a youth, when all is said and done, makes me happy with myself, gives me peace about my choices, and makes me feel powerful in my life.

Back in November as I was pondering my Book of Mormon lesson for our 10-11 yr old young ladies in Primary, I was struck by the word “command.” It’s in the scriptures a lot and the standards for youth often feel like “the new commandments” sometimes. My dictionary confirmed, the word often denotes a power structure, authority, and domination. But when I read that word in the scriptures, my heart felt something else. I don’t think of the Lord and my leaders trying to wield power over me. My Heavenly Father has a plan of happiness, a plan of Salvation for me – to save me from myself, how I exercise my agency. I believe the dictionaries listed synonyms for “command” are truly, more accurately His way -- to invite, to instruct, to direct, to persuade.

In the pamphlet, under Agency & Accountability, it says, “Next to the bestowal of life itself, the right to direct your life is one of God’s greatest gifts to you.” And “Righteous choices lead to happiness.” That is why I chose and still choose to live these standards. I simply like to be happy! When first asked to speak tonight, I sought out the promises given for living each of the standards. I wanted know what I get out of living these standards and if it had proven true in my life. The promises are there and have been true in my life. Power. Ability. Confidence. Guidance by the Holy Ghost. Peace. Fun. Yes, fun is one of the promises! Look it up!

When I choose not to live these standards, it’s like I’m adding heavy rocks to my life’s backpack. Why add barriers and burdens to returning to my Heavenly Parents?

President Ezra Taft Benson said,“Some of the greatest battles you will face will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul.”

President Eyring said, “Conversion is what you do about what you know and believe."

I want to enter heaven standing tall and proud of what I’ve done with the time I was given here: my family, the friends I’ve chosen to spend time with, the media I’ve consumed, the words I’ve spoken, the kindesses shared, the service given . . . The right and power to direct your life is truly one of God’s greatest gifts to you. And an education is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, a true source of Joy."

Teething

Wouldn't it be great if this was motherhood? All smiles and new adventures? This cute lil man is now 17 months old. Just shy of being nursery age at church and we've been counting down! He lights up our life with this grin, his snuggles and kisses, nestled into "his place" in the crook of our arm on the bed or chair.
We took a quick ski trip this past weekend. I almost didn't go because of Jake. He's teething molars right now which means he wakes up on the middle of the night crying and hates pain relievers. He's also exercising his will at every turn because he can. Being in a hotel room as a whole family with him doing this and the fact that he's such a light sleeper when out of his dark cocoon of a bedroom - well, it sounded like torture for me. And I have so many things I should be getting done.

But Morgan was so excited to finally get a chance to ski! And I didn't want her to miss it. And I love those mountains. So I packed us up and away we went. We had a good time, Morgan loved skiing. I didn't get to see her do it because they took her up the mountain since the valley below didn't have enough snow. The boys excelled in their refresher class and McKay got bumped up to Easton's class the second day. They're very happy to be "advanced."

And then there's Jake. He didn't get his regular naps while we were away. He didn't get his regular bedtime or dark cocoon. And we began paying for it Sunday night. And I got it all day Monday and today. Crying and fussing at me all day long. Tantrums where he literally is kicking and screaming on the floor. It's awesome. I can't do right by him. He doesn't like the food I make for him, meals specially planned to be easy for him to eat. He throws it or pushes it away. He doesn't want to be put down but doesn't like how I hold him. He can't stand being denied anything. By dinner time, I've been a short tempered mess and I'm ashamed but so done.

I stayed up tonight mapping out some details for upcoming things I'm coordinating and then got swept up in a few episodes of Lark Rise to Candleford. As I was getting ready for bed, Jake woke up crying. I tried to give him his ora-gel and ibuprofen but he refused. So I just rocked him, both of us staring at each other. And I cried. He's growing up. And I can't stop it.

For all the grief we're giving each other right now as our wills do battle, I'm grateful for this quiet moment tonight to hold my baby close and rock him snuggled against me. Man, I love him - teething and all!

For Bern

On the way to church I was overtaken with emotion the minute I got in the car with kids all buckled in. As I thought about the meaning of Fast & Testimony meeting, I wondered what beliefs of mine had been strengthened in December. I stood in that meeting to share my tender feelings. For me, it came down to a greater understanding of the God I believe in, a God who weeps with us.

In early December I stumbled upon a podcast through a link a friend had on her blog. It was an interview of Fiona Givens about the book she and her husband Terryl Givens - University of Virginia-Richmond professor of comparative literature - had written this year. It was a work solicited and published by Deseret Book. The hope was to define to those within and particularly outside of the Mormon church what beautiful doctrines our faith adds to the world's dialogue on the nature of God and all of the perplexing questions man has asked throughout the ages. It's called, "The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life." Because I have had what feels like a flood of opportunities this fall to share my beliefs with friends within and also unaware of our church, it seemed like a great read because of the wealth of resources they draw upon within world literature. Aristotle, St. Augustine, Lord Byron, Machiavelli, Darwin, and so on. Reading this book has helped me better frame my beliefs in a way I had been attempting to all my life.

The powerful message in this book is that God is whom we worship because in his vulnerable-ness, his weeping over the heartaches we face, the sins we commit or those that are done to us, we are willingly bound to worship God. Because God's love for us is so great, so vulnerable, we are able to love God and others more fully.

Moses 7:23-33 23 And after that Zion was taken up into ^aheaven, Enoch ^bbeheld, and lo, ^call the nations of the earth were before him; 24 And there came generation upon generation; and Enoch was high and ^alifted up, even in the bosom of the Father, and of the Son of Man; and behold, the power of Satan was upon all the face of the earth. 25 And he saw angels descending out of heaven; and he heard a loud voice saying: Wo, wo be unto the inhabitants of the earth. 26 And he beheld Satan; and he had a great ^achain in his hand, and it veiled the whole face of the earth with ^bdarkness; and he looked up and ^claughed, and his ^dangels rejoiced. 27 And Enoch beheld ^aangels descending out of heaven, bearing^btestimony of the Father and Son; and the Holy Ghost fell on many, and they were caught up by the powers of heaven into Zion. 28 And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the^aresidue of the people, and he wept; and Enoch bore record of it, saying: How is it that the heavens weep, and shed forth their tears as the rain upon the mountains?
 29 And Enoch said unto the Lord: How is it that thou canst^aweep, seeing thou art holy, and from all eternity to all eternity? 30 And were it possible that man could number the particles of the earth, yea, millions of ^aearths like this, it would not be a beginning to the number of thy ^bcreations; and thy curtains are stretched out still; and yet thou art there, and thy bosom is there; and also thou art just; thou art merciful and kind forever; 31 And thou hast taken ^aZion to thine own bosom, from all thy creations, from all eternity to all eternity; and naught but peace,^bjustice, and truth is the habitation of thy throne; and mercy shall go before thy face and have no end; how is it thou canst ^cweep? 32 The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold these thy brethren; they are the workmanship of mine own ^ahands, and I gave unto them their ^bknowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his ^cagency; 33 And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment, that they should ^alove one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they ^bhate their own blood;

On December 14, Ryan and I were just getting settled in for bed when he checked the news on his computer one last time. The screen lit up with the Connecticut shooting tragedy and he said, "Oh no!" As I looked over, he scrolled down and we gathered the basics - who the shooter was, how old he was, how many children and adults were gunned down and then the images. Those images of grief and fear on stricken children and adults. I had to look away. I am crying as I write this, it's still such a raw emotion and the date of December 14 is engrained in my mind like September 11, 2001. I wasn't angry at the shooter, just so immensely saddened by the grief of so many for a family, a community and national system that has failed so many affected.

I had to turn away and read my book so that I could sleep that night.

When I woke up, the first thing I saw as I turned on my computer was a message from a dear high school friend telling me that our great friend, Bern Kellogg, had died in a work accident the previous day. December 14. He is the father of four children in similar ages to my own. My heart broke for his dear wife, for his family. I spent the day plugged in to my podcasts puttering away at chores to keep the tears at bay for them and the families in Connecticut. So much pain, tragedies.

This young man had asked me in the spirit of true friendship to the Homecoming Dance our Senior Year, just a couple weeks after I'd shattered my femur in a soccer game. My leg had been pieced together with a steel rod and screws down the marrow, I was still working on bending that leg and hobbled on crutches for two months. Bern was such a light to all around him. He wasn't LDS, didn't need to be - he was Christlike to everyone he came across and tried to solicit a smile from whomever's path he crossed. It was his trademark as much as the rubber chicken dangling from his front pocket.

Bernie, as I understand he liked to be called now, and his best friend Brian were the ones who got our high school group of friends together each weekend. They were the first to have their driver's licenses and the freedom we all craved. They initiated good, clean fun that is the hallmark of my high school memories! Their initiative of fun got the creative juices flowing in us all and we had a really great time, sometimes having as many as 30 people at one person's house on a given Saturday night. (Bless the parents who allowed us to barge in and often fed us! We ate and ate on many occasions!) We did silly scavenger hunts, rowdy outdoor and indoor game nights, fully planned/executed food fights, creative dance date proposals . . . it all started for us with Bern and Brian. They were doers, and always includers at a time when we are all so prone to be self-conscious and clique-ish. 

My dear friend, Krystin, was as reserved, fun and petite as Bern was tall and gregarious. She reminded us on Bern's memorial page of when Bern asked her to a school dance by tying a live chicken to a stake in her front yard. She had to catch the crazed chicken to read the note on its leg asking her to the dance. This was who he was!

Bern was brilliant - an engineer at heart. He had a bright future in university, but as I understand it, the mission trips he took with his church to help in orphanages in Mexico took an even stronger hold of his heart. Children gravitated to him which is no surprise, he has an open, kind smile-ready face. He fell in love with a young lady in California and has lived and raised a family there. He homeschooled his children for a time I believe, studied and became a pastor in his church, and was helping his father-in-law dig wells.

That fateful Friday, from what I understand, Bern's father-in-law had not been feeling well so Bern went to their work site alone. When he did not come home that evening or answer his phone,  his wife and son went to the site looking for him. They found him. Apparently he had been hit on the head with a tool and died.

My heart ached, the tears came. Bern. Connecticut. Agency, God's greatest gift to us. So great a gift that He won't always intervene and save us from deep sorrows. A God who weeps, who loves us. I know this to be true. I have felt God's love in so many ways, in beautiful fulfilling moments among family and friends, but also in my lonely dark times.

As I tried to make sense of Bern's death and the Connecticut tragedy, I was reminded of a scripture passage I'd posted on my fridge this past fall. I'd read and prepared to teach my girls about the Anti-Nephi-Lehi's - a group of people who were wicked Lamanites until their hearts were softened through the loving efforts of the sons of Mosiah. These young men had given up their father's crown in favor of being missionaries. They had great success teaching the gospel to the blood-thirsty Lamanites only through enduring many terrible challenges and trials of their own faith. The conversion of these Lamanites ran so deep, they assumed a new name, asked to join the Nephite people, and made a covenant with the Lord that they would bury their weapons of war and never take them up again even as they all knew the Lamanites were preparing to come to battle against them. When the Lamanites did come, these people went out to meet them. Not with swords, but they lay down and prayed even as they were cut down. When I read this, I ached. This isn't how life should work out for the righteous! And yet, I've read this story many times. I know how it ends.

As the Lamanites were slaughtering them, it says 1,005 fell without resistance. Many Lamanites began to feel their hearts be "swollen" for what they had just done. They dropped their swords and began to sorrow for what they were doing, right there fell to the earth and began repenting. In Alma 24, Alma records that

 27 And there was not a wicked man slain among them; but there were more than a thousand brought to the knowledge of the truth; thus we see that the Lord worketh in many ^aways to the salvation of his people. 

I have had to ask myself if I believe this is true. Does anything salvific come from tragedy? And I thought of the outpouring of good after 9-11. Of Corrie Ten-Boom's "The Hiding Place" in the face of Nazi atrocities. Of the thoughts I've had while listening to "The Wisdom of Forgiveness: His Holiness the Dalai Lama" by Victor Chan. There is so much suffering in the world. And yet so much goodness too. I believe God works in many ways. I know God has a plan for each of us. We are here to work out our own salvation, on our own path. How we choose to handle great bounty and terrible tragedy proves our metal, they refine us. Sometimes the weight of the burdens or ache is too much. It just is. In these moments, we can give it to the Lord. I always seem to forget I can give it to Him, that somehow I'm supposed to be the stoic martyr. Yet, giving it over to the Lord is usually the lesson I'm supposed to learn.

I know the people in our lives are there for a purpose, an opportunity to see God in them, through them. Bern was one of those choice souls and I am grateful our paths crossed when they did. Until we meet again, dear friend.

Lord of the Rings Holiday!

Nope, this traveling crew isn't visiting New Zealand, although it's on our bucket list for someday. Did I have you wondering?

If we accomplished one thing this Christmas break, it's that we time spent watching a bit each night of the extended edition of The Lord of the Rings trilogy for the first time with the kids. The boys also got the LEGO version of LotR for Christmas too with a lot of time to enjoy it. We've soaked up a quiet break from our busy school life and Ryan's gone to work for a lot of it to save up vacation time for upcoming trips this year.

On New Year's Eve afternoon, Easton conquered the game and I was grateful he, my tender hearted son, knew what to expect from finishing the movie since he tends to be the one who gets nightmares. Those orcs and other evil beasts are scary! Essentially, what he was playing we would watch that evening since we were only getting through a disc a night as time permitted. I was a bit wary of letting McKay and Morgan also watch, but they seemed to enjoy it as we all snuggled and rotated snuggle buddies.

Our family time doing this together has totally paid off in teaching moments when kids fight or are creatively playing LOR/Sonic/Star Wars/Indiana Jones hybrid pretend!!! Themes of envy and gratitude, friendship, loyalty, courage, helping another carry a heavy burden, working on our talents, choosing the right . . . and that's just before noon today! Awesome!

For example, Memay and Grandpa Mark had sent us some See's chocolates (YUMMY dark chocolate nuts and chews deliciousness! My precious!). The kids like to sit and pop the bubbles of the protective packing sheets. Easton was the first to discover them so he snagged the biggest sheet. McKay wanted one so I gave him one too. But he was upset because Easton's was bigger and it was so unfair! Well, life is unfair and he needed to be grateful for what he had. Life theme, right? Then Morgan chimed in wanting one so now all three had their own. Morgan tired of hers quickly and gave hers to McKay. Now Easton was upset that McKay had more than him. Where's my parrot?! Life's not fair, be grateful for what you've got. Enjoy it and move on. "Remember when on LotR, the elves gave each of the Fellowship of the Ring a special sword or dagger?" I told them. "Did it matter in the end which one they were given or did it save them or another when the time came?" "Do you think being jealous of the gift given is a happy, helpful way to live?" "If Sam had thrown a fit about the sword he was given, how would the Elves have felt?" And so on. Loved it. Loved hearing their answers and interpretations!

Today I didn't get on them to start their chores. They know what needs to be done if they want media time and they were happy to know I had no plans to get us out of the house today. They sat and played for over an hour together in their room nicely after I mitigated sharing of the carpet space to their satisfaction. Morgan is into building "beds" or "forts" for herself which is a fence around her made by Ikea bins. It takes a lot of space so we had to figure out an arrangement that made everyone happy.

An hour or so later when they had exhausted their play mode, they just began doing their chores so they could have media time. Easton came and said that when they were playing, they had mixed all their favorite characters and story lines - LotR, Sonic, Star Wars, and Indiana Jones - on a spaceship adventure. I was proud! It was fun to chat about favorite parts of those movies and relate them to our gospel understanding. I was telling him how LotR was originally a story written by Tolkein, not Frodo and Bilbo. Easton thought about it for a minute while washing off the table then came in and said, "So I could make Meowers Powers like that." I said, "Yep, but it would take some more work to make it the very best story you want told. What could you do to make it even better?" He's thinking about it . . . I'm so very grateful that I got this chance to be chatty with my kids today, that it's where my heart was today.

I'm reading a really fascinating book by Fiona and Terryl Givens called, "The God Who Weeps: How Mormons make sense of life." This husband-wife duo met at BYU in a comparative literature class and have spent their career teaching/take classes and authoring at the University of Virginia, Richmond. I'd listened to a fabulous interview of them in early December on MormonStories.org where Fiona shared her conversion to Catholicism and then Mormonism in her youth. This book came about in an interesting way - Terryl Givens was at some sort of LDS seminar in NYC a year ago and said the Church could do a better job telling/sharing what beautiful truths Mormonism brings to the world's religious dialogue. Someone in the audience worked for DeseretBook and within a few days and then months, DeseretBook (Sherri Dew) asked them to write this book. So from Givens' remark to the date of publication - less than 10 months I believe! That's amazing!

They wrote this book in a couple months' time which I find miraculous because they utilize the wealth of the world's greatest thinkers throughout history who framed the timeless questions of mankind - why do we seek God; what is the nature of God that he/they should be worshipped; where did we come from (a premortal existence); why are we here on earth and what must we do here; why do we experience pain and suffering; what does death and the next life hold; if Christianity or other faiths that literally only touch select pockets of people on the earth in various periods of time while countless others die without being "in the know" - how can the Atonement and sacrifice of Jesus Christ apply to all of God's children as well as other saving ordinances many churches hold dear like baptism.

This book draws on their shared academic life studying all the great theologians, political scientists, scientists, poets, and such and so it just flowed out of them. It would have taken me a good ten years to write anything close to what it took them a month or two to compile. I'm so glad I discovered this book when I did. It gave me a lot of comfort when on the same morning in mid December, I woke to hear about the Connecticut school massacre and a dear high school buddy's fatal accident. Bern Kellogg took me to a few of our high school dances and was seriously such a genuine, Christ-like kid even back then! He was even voted Prom King because his kindness touched so many. He leaves a dear wife, four children around the same ages as my own, a church community and extended family who will always feel this loss.

I just can't plug this book enough - it's a real thinker, much like C. S. Lewis stuff and I am lapping it up! More like slurping actually, in small doses, cuz my mommy brain has to work mighty hard to grasp it. As I have the opportunity on a daily basis to share my faith with my kids and friends here, it is such a great tool to explain things I hold dear from the point of conversations people have always had or intuitions we've all tried to frame for ourselves. For instance, in chats with my dear new friends of other faiths, I've been better able to come from a point of commonality of world experience to describe what us women and mothers hold most dear. I'm not out to convert them to Mormonism, just relate to and share in the light we're both holding. Then we all walk away edified and ready to share our light with others and help bear one another's burdens. Life and great books are wonderful!